The Fantastic Four (1993) (part 5 of 7)

So we’ve just had the fairly intense dramatic moment of Ben discovering he’s become more of a freak than any of the others. What can come next but a series of comic relief scenes where a doctor examines our heroes? Ben is first, and the doctor starts things off by laughing at his own joke that he’s not quite sure how he’s going to take a blood sample. Thankfully, Ben isn’t too amused. The doctor tells Ben to sit. Cue painfully out of place slapstick moment of a stool collapsing under him.

Caption contributed by Jason

Yeah! Ass 1, Chair 0!”

Caption contributed by Albert

“Hmm, so I guess it is possible to masturbate too often!”

Next, Johnny explains his fire abilities, accidentally discovering that it works when he says “Flame on!” when his hand lights up. Why he didn’t have to say “Flame on” before is not explained, and for that matter, neither is why his shirt sleeve doesn’t look any worse for wear after the flames go out.

In Susan’s session with the doctor, she accidentally turns invisible. Then, for some reason, only her top half reappears behind the doctor, causing him to jump in surprise and accidentally jab himself in the hand with his needle. Oh, that’s hilarious.

When Reed comes in, the doctor keeps his distance and tells him to take his own blood, and Reed, appearing way too comfortable with his powers already, gives a jaunty “Ohhh-kay!” and stretches his arm across the room to take the needle.

Caption contributed by Albert

Wow.

Now we get an, er, epic establishing shot of Doom’s castle, with a pathetic lightning bolt effect thrown in. Inside, Doom is meeting with the very same doctor who examined the four, letting us know that our heroes aren’t really being held by the US Government, after all. The doctor tells Doom that the four are “medical miracles”, while Doom raps his fingers together Mr. Burns-style in the foreground. The doctor says that they might be able to harness their powers, and Doom caresses the doctor’s face in a way that seriously looks like he’s about to plant a big kiss on the guy. Maybe this is really the long-awaited live-action adaptation of the Ambiguously Gay Duo.

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Ryan Lohner

Ryan lives in Sparta, New Jersey, a quaint little burg without much for kids to do except go to the movies. Thus began a lifelong love affair, as even back then he grew to love examining why a film worked, or didn't. He is a member of the Sigma Tau Delta English Honor Society, and currently studying for a Master's Degree in Library and Information Science. His hobbies include running, piano, and annoying people with that damn lowercase forum user name.

Multi-Part Article: The Fantastic Four (1993)

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