Dec 6, 2019
The Adventure of the Wrong Santa Claus (1914) (part 1 of 3)
Ah, Christmas. Yuletide. When the yule and the tide rush together, each one yuling and tiding until they finally meet in a fiery explosion, raining down their beautiful holiday messianic Jesus goop.
I do not know a lot about Christmas. It wasn’t extensively covered in my Bar Mitzvah class. But there is one tradition I’ve always cherished: the Patrick Swayze Christmas. Sadly, Patrick Swayze passed away this year. So, instead of relentlessly mocking a Swayze film this year, let’s observe a moment of silence… by relentlessly mocking a silent film instead.
Frankly, I’m kind of psyched to do a silent movie. I mean, if movies with Natalie Portman in them can suck, imagine how bad things must have been 67 years before she was born. We’re talking about a world without Beautiful Girls, without Garden State, without this rap video. It’s a miracle anyone even survived.