VIDEO: You’re wrong about the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

by · August 12, 2014

A brief editorial about the recent Ninja Turtles film, and why you should just give it a freaking break, already!

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  • Yeah, probably. It looks fine. I haven’t seen it and don’t want to pay release day prices.

    • Bouncy X

      that’s what tuesdays are for!! :P

      • CaptainCalvinCat

        Or wait a year or so to buy the dvd – as I will do. ^^

  • Bouncy X

    outside of getting used to the designs, i never had anything but anticipation to see this. i finally went on the thursday preview night and i loved it!! like many of my generation, i was introduced and fell in love with the boys back with the 80s cartoon. so i’ve always had a spot for them and always looked forward to new shows or movies. while i don’t follow it persay, i do love the new Nick show.

    and now i love this new take on them. Mikey has always been my favorite so im probably biased as it seems the movie was very Mikey-centric for a lot of the humor so i ate that up and swallowed every bite! but the other 3 were great too, they totally got the characters down and it was great to finally see them kick ass properly in live action. the only design i didn’t like was Splinter, his face needed less of the hairless cat look but its a small nitpick. i loved the movie and can’t wait to see what the future brings for this version of the franchise. the whole snowy mountain sequence was fun and amazing to see and i love, love love the elevator scene.

    everyone has different tastes and opinions but when it comes to the lovely internet, people are waaaaaay over the top with their hatred of everything. so its not surprising to see all the complaints leveled at this and just about every other movie made. some people just need to be heard complaining, they aren’t happy without an audience. not to say there aren’t people like that on the opposite side but yeah.

    i’d never tell someone to give a movie a chance, that’s what trailers are for. if those weren’t enough to convince someone to see this then they should just avoid it or wait til they can see it for free on tv or whatnot. but yeah its always hilarious to see the level of anger people have for movies on the net.

    • MichaelANovelli

      Yeah, Splinter. I kinda thought his tail was really distracting, was it me or did it keep changing lengths whenever he hit someone with it? Still, it was nice to see a live-action Splinter actually standing up for a change…

      • Bouncy X

        oh it was definitely cool seeing him actually use his martial arts skills. the closest we’ve come to that in the theatrical movies was him flipping Shredder in the 1990 movie. so it was great to see him be the master he’s supposed to be!

      • Wizkamridr

        Nothing against the voice actor (Monk/ can’t think of his real name), but it didn’t fit IMO. And yes, I’m glad Shredder was a Japanese ninja. Would have liked to seen more of Shredder’s daughter. I wanted to see Leo get a crush on her.

        • MichaelANovelli

          Nah, they probably wanna save that for Venus de Milo in the sequel…

          • Wizkamridr

            Turtle tits? No thanks

          • MichaelANovelli

            It’s inevitable! You heard it here, first! ^_^

          • Wizkamridr

            Felicia from Darkstalkers is the only human hybrid I find attractive.

          • MichaelANovelli

            A superb choice! ;)

  • Zorha

    TMNT wasn’t exactly a sacred cow to begin with … and this iteration fits perfectly within the milked franchise cow … so I personally don’t understand most of the hate. Aside from it being unsound from a technical standpoint. But um … news flash … Micheal Bay et alii.

    I for one would have been interested to see the turtles’ alien origin take, I mean, think how many new and interesting ways they could introduce Rocksteady, Bebop, Zorax, Krang, Traag, Antrax … …

    • MichaelANovelli

      I know, right? It’s been almost thirty years, where are Bebop and Rocksteady?

  • filmguy450

    You are wrong, not because you liked the film (feel free to like whatever you wish), but because you downright dismiss the (kind of admitted) shoddiness of the overall production because this is a kids’ film. Please not, I don’t give two shits about the Turtles. I watched the show back in the day, but haven’t seen any of the movies in a decade (the more recent CGI not withstanding) and I can barely recall what Krang’s plan was, so I am not some crazed die hard fan. But, here’s what is wrong with your analysis:

    A) Just because a movie is for children, that does not excuse poor filmmaking. It does allow for certain aspects of the story or themes (etc.) to be simpler, so it’s target audience can grasp it, but to have bad CGI (which this does), to make no internal logic (ever movie ever presents us with it’s own world and rules no matter the genre or how tied to reality it is, something super convenient, for example, has to happen to move the plot along, I get that)- Splinter finds a ninja and decides that’s a good parenting tool? WTF? If a mutated rat is smart enough to read, learn, and raise children (of any sort) then it would surely no matter. My brain exploded, because even by the dumbass TMNT animated show standards, that is too dumb for words. The editing and action is poorly shot and edited. Shredder is an after thought- it’s exceedingly clear that it was last minute rewrites to make Sachs not be him happened, and no one could figure out a good way to integrate that well.

    B) Why is this a children’s movie exactly? PG-13 action heavy darker story- so, yeah, I am at a loss as to why you’re considering this a children’s movie. It’s not. I get that it’s based on a property that is mostly known as a kids one, but so it “Transformers” and that shit sure isn’t for kids. I also understand that your theater had a decent number of children in it, but that means nothing and here’s why:

    My screenings of “Guardians Of The Galaxy”, “John Carter”, “The Avengers”, “The Dark Knight Rises”, and “300” (first one- a lot of parents are dumb and believed that it couldn’t be too bad because it was based on a comic) were all at least 1/3 full of children (appearing to be 12 years old or below).

    This new “Turtles” movie, in terms of tone and what it was clearly aiming to do, falls more in line with these movies, and no one in their right mind would call them ‘children’s movies’, as oppose to what it shares with family films (ie- “The Lego Movie) or actual children’s movies (“Peabody And Mr. Sherman”).

    C) I do concede that some of it worked (about to vague as to avoid spoilers)- when we follow Raph around by himself for a bit- best characterization in the film happens then. But just because someone didn’t like the film, doesn’t mean that someone is a Michael Bay hating, Turtle loving zealot. Some of us want good movies, that don’t have rubbery CGI or a main villain that is sidelined for an evil businessman (this movie is very dumb in a bad way), or with action that isn’t spliced to pieces, or you know, something good on a technical level, as this movie fails hard at that. Thus, making it a bad movie.

    • MichaelANovelli

      The original film was incredibly dark as far as movies based on Saturday morning cartoons go. (For all people like to praise the B&W comic, nobody knew or cared about it back in the day…)

      Part of being a Turtles fan, especially being one since back in the day, has been coming to terms with the fact that very little about the franchise actually *works* if you stop and think about it for more than a minute. TMNT has always gone from bizarre misstep to bizarre misstep, carried more by sheer force of personality than inherent quality. It’s hard not to fall into the No True Scotsman fallacy, I admit, but I find it hard to believe that the same people who’ll get behind a story where Irma gets turned into a giant can’t buy the idea that Splinter found a book on ninjitsu just lying around in the sewers.

      Essentially, people are complaining that a series whose every move is predicated around releasing new gimmicky toys is doing something to release new gimmicky toys.

      As for this being a kid’s film: it clearly wasn’t made for older Turtles fans because they changed too much.

      And no, I don’t excuse this movie’s flaws because it was made for children. I excuse this movie’s flaws because this is a TMNT movie and that’s just what TMNT fans do. :)

      • Muthsarah

        I think that’s one of the reasons the first movie works so damn well. Yeah, the premise is still ultimately silly, but the film built around it is pretty damn grounded, considering. The movie is clearly NOT about trying to shill toys (or did Ned Ryerson get his own action figure?), but about how the Turtles relate to one another and to Splinter, while trying to live in a world that would never accept them…told alongside the tale of another supposed-outcast trying to find his own place, whose life intersects with that of the Turtles’. There’s two sides to every Schwarz, is what I’m saying. The movie took a ridiculous premise and turned into about as serious and human a story as you could, without giving the fans any less than they were expecting. It’s a very inclusive movie. Layered, even.

        As for the cartoon…yeah, that was pretty dumb. But par-for-the-course as far as Saturday morning cartoons go. But the first movie, if released today, would probably get a PG-13 (for violence…and SMOKING!), yet is not, to me, in any way inappropriate for the kids. Still, it’s probably closer to The Dark Crystal than it is to kids’ cartoons today (I wonder if the Henson connection had anything to do with that…).

        If movies like Spiderman 2, X-Men 2 (once upon a time…), Dark Knight, and The Avengers are like the Disney Renaissance, then TMNT (and not just Batman ’89) is The Great Mouse Detective – a fantastic film that proved the viability of a genre, but gets none of the appreciation for it. The movie showed how a pulpy and silly property can be turned into a more realistic and gritty direction, without losing the fun banter and cartoonish glee, but balancing the serious with the comedic. I would go so far as to call it the spiritual predecessor to the modern Marvel studios films. The first movie doesn’t NEED excuses to be made for it, it holds up on its own.

        But the second movie is terrible. Oh God….

      • trlkly

        No, they don’t. Not at all. They HATE the bad shows. They hate HATE the 2007 movie. They HATE the musical acts. They like the two traditional cartoon shows, the comics and the first movie and one of the other two.

        I’ve never heard a TMNT fan say “It’s okay because it’s Turtles” until now.

        • MichaelANovelli

          It would seem we travel in different circles, then…

          • Wizkamridr

            I grew up with the goofy 80s cartoon. I don’t understand the hatred towards this film. The turtles were awesome. My only complaint was something april did that the turtles could have done.

          • MichaelANovelli

            Had to give her something to do, I guess…

          • Wizkamridr

            Reminded me of when Catwoman saved Batsy from Bane. Lame. As much as Man of Steel was hated on, I’m glad Lois didn’t save Superman from Zod. And no, I’m not bashing on women.

  • Cameron Vale

    The movie is a good way to kick off a new series of Turtles movies, but Hollywood has a weird habit of fixating on what worked the first time. The director insinuated that Krang would be in the next one, but I have no idea how seriously to take that.

    • MichaelANovelli

      I’m just hoping we’ll FINALLY get Bebop and Rocksteady, like they’ve been promising us for over 20 years, now…

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