Tech zillionaire who beat the shit out of his girlfriend very angry at mean media for pointing it out

Tech Zillionaire Who Beat The Shit Out Of His Girlfriend Very Angry At Mean Media For Pointing It Out

We mock terrible people in tech here aplenty, sometimes because they are dudebros, sometimes because they are manchildren with too much money, or because they think the poors should be not seen and not heard. This is the first time we have actually had to write about one being a girlfriend-beating piece of shit, though.

Meet Gurbaksh “G” Chahal, CEO of something called RadiumOne, which describes itself as “leaders in programmatic everything.” Chahal and his nonsense company are worth a nonsense amount of money. Did you notice we did not say Chahal was ALLEGEDLY a girlfriend-beating piece of shit? That is because he already pleaded guilty to some counts! Sadly, they are teeny-tiny counts compared to what he actually got charged with. If you enjoy plowing through legal documents, feel free to take a look at the entire complaint. You are lazy, though, so you will probably just read this helpful summary.

The complaint […] listed 45 felony counts and two misdemeanors that accused Chahal of the following actions:

Hitting Kakish repeatedly in the head
Assaulting her with a pillow
Dragging her from the bed to the floor
Covering her mouth with his hand to obstruct her breathing
Hitting her in the lower body approximately 15 times
Hitting her in the head while holding his other hand over her mouth
Threatening to kill her
Confining her to a bed by force and fear

That seems like excessively terrible behavior even for a dudebro techbro tech star. Luckily (??) Chahal had the best defense that money can buy because he is stupefyingly startup monies rich, so he succeeded in getting a videotape that actually showed the assault tossed.

But perhaps the biggest blow came when Judge Brendan Conroy ruled that surveillance video from Chahal’s bedroom – which reportedly captured the 1 1/2-hour attack – had been seized unlawfully by police. The cops claim they took the video without waiting for a warrant because they feared it might get erased, but the judge didn’t buy it.

Though there are many things we are yelling about in this post, we will not be yelling about how the tape getting tossed is a “technicality.” Our justice system is built on such technicalities. The cops should have waited for a warrant and didn’t, and now this dude gets to plead way way way the fuck down. It is true that many people with much less money would not have the lawyer team to get this thing thrown out and would therefore have not gotten a sweet plea deal when the case fell apart. But this isn’t a zero sum game. This guy can be money-coated human scum AND the cops can be the ones that fucked things up, regrettably. Also, too, his girlfriend asked prosecutors to drop the charges, which is also a thing that sadly happens often but does not mean that the beating didn’t happen. Are we clear?

Oh right! You are probably wondering what this dude DID have to plead to!

Chahal pleaded guilty to a pair of misdemeanor battery charges that will spare him any jail time.

Just a little tiny bit of battery. Barely worth mentioning. Also, the fact that he didn’t end up having a felony conviction means he can still stay on the board of his imagineering programmatic synergistic money machine internet thingy.

The deal also means that Chahal – with no felony conviction – will be allowed to stay on the board of his $100 million-a-year social advertising technology company, RadiumOne, which has been preparing to go public.

The deal also meant that Chahal was dumb enough to go on a tweet rampage about how he was railroaded and unfair and he was totally not guilty and it is all the media’s fault.

Success_is_how_high_you_bounce_back_after_you_hit_and_kick_your_girlfriend_117_times

(Chahal has since deleted the tweets; screenshots courtesy of the mighty Tbogg.)

Dude, you pleaded guilty. To battery. Now, to be sure, you got to plead down to less battery than you ALLEGEDLY EXCEPT IT IS ON VIDEOTAPE committed, but you still actually pleaded guilty to BATTERING YOUR GIRLFRIEND, so whining about your innocence is both lying and bad form.

Also bad form? Putting cool inspirational sayings on your website after you skate away from jail time FOR BATTERING YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

Gurbaksh_Chahal_-_CEO_of_ClickAgents__BlueLithium__RadiumOne__BeProud

This must be a definition of “rock bottom” we were unaware of, because our “rock bottom” does not include staying out of jail and keeping millions of dollars and keeping our overpaid job. But we wouldn’t want a little bit of completely beating the shit out of your girlfriend to come between a man and his corporate board, now would we? That might stop the march of progress and then we would not have the future of social media technology get so future-y as fast as if this guy wasn’t at the helm. Funny, that’s a chance we’re pretty much willing to take. We’ll wait five years longer to have Twitter implanted in our brain, and Chahal will get tossed out of his corporate board gigs and blackballed from other future-thinking future things. Sounds good to us.

[Business Insider/SF Gate]

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  • Dragoon21b

    ok me not being of the legal persuasion…in a situation like that can’t police just call in for a warrant and sit there till they get it?

    • Brenda Johnson

      Yes they can. The fact they didn’t is what we lawyers call a fuckup.

      • Lonecia Coffman

        Yes, but was the f-u an accident or a paid event?

  • mondojohnson

    I did not know that Chewbacca also ejected the moneychangers from the Temple! Ya learn something new everyday.

    • Ambignostic

      Let the Messiah win.

      • Dragoon21b

        Romans don’t pull peoples arms outta their sockets when they loseOh wait…

      • msanthropesmr

        The Messiah shot first.

  • TJ Barke

    We’re gonna need a longer wall…

    • thepoliticalcat

      To wail at, or to whale on?

      • TJ Barke

        The subtext is: To line them up against.

  • ryp

    Dude, the internet has provided you with a revenue stream worth millions for providing a service that makes using it more annoying. Of course it’s stupid.

  • ADHDJ

    Success is how high you bounce [when you get charged with 45 felony counts because] you hit [your girlfriend’s] bottom.

  • Jim

    Well, I’ve looked at their website and their description of what they do and alls I can figure is that they do some kind of ad buying and targeting, or something?Or, as they say, creating value from actionable arbitage conversion impacts. Got it.

  • Lonecia Coffman

    I hope the girlfriend marries him and secretly becomes a black belt. Then She can give him a taste of his own medicine and will have enough money to have it all thrown out of court before she divorces him and takes every red cent he will ever make for the rest of his spongy life. Or maybe this Chahal will finally use some of his fortune to get some constructive surgery “down there” so he won’t get mad because his girlfriend can’t find his tiny little friend with the GPS.

  • Wm Kiernan

    What he needs to do is sue you buncha bums for cruelly trying to extinguish his reputation with your mean nasty slander!!!1!Then, of course, your lawyers can subpoena the videotapes, and you guys can post them to YouTube.

  • elvigy

    Is there any chance the video will “accidentally” get leaked to the press? Or has it been already? I don’t want to see it, but since he’s avoiding jail time it might be the only way to show the world what a loser/jackass/pickyourepithet this guy is.