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Tagged: Jupiter Ascending: a recap

· by Dr. Winston O'Boogie · Mar 28, 2016

Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 12 of 12): Jupiter and Caine earn their wings

The film (and perhaps the Wachowskis’ directing career) comes to a perfunctory end as we learn that while being ruler of a galactic empire might be nice, it can never compare to cleaning toilets for a living.

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Dr. Winston O'Boogie · Mar 2, 2016

Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 11 of 12): Eddie Redmayne’s Razzie clip

Jupiter finally meets the main villain of the film, and it feels like a complete afterthought. But on the plus side, somebody in this movie will win an “award” for his acting.

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Dr. Winston O'Boogie · Feb 15, 2016

Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 10 of 12): Jupiter says yes to the dress

Jupiter and Titus are about to get married, but to the shock of no one, Titus has sinister motives. Cue “Mrs. Robinson” on the soundtrack as Caine rushes to stop the wedding.

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Dr. Winston O'Boogie · Jan 13, 2016

Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 9 of 12): My dinner with Titus

The truth about Premium Abrasax is revealed and it’s exactly what we figured out 30 minutes ago. Also, Titus Abrasax shows his romantic side by trying to get with his mom’s identical twin.

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Dr. Winston O'Boogie · Dec 30, 2015

Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 8 of 12): Aquarela do Bureaucracy

Two writer-directors entrusted with a $175 million budget decide to bring their sci-fi/action film to a dead stop for no good reason. But hey, they got Terry Gilliam to do a cameo!

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Dr. Winston O'Boogie · Dec 8, 2015

Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 7 of 12): Must love dogs

In which we meet a half-man/half-elephant, and Jupiter confesses her feelings for Caine in the most embarrassingly stupid way possible.

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Dr. Winston O'Boogie · Nov 30, 2015

Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 6 of 12): The secret to younger looking skin

Hint: It involves people. Lots and lots of people. Oh, and get ready for the totally non-shocking reveal about why everyone is so interested in Jupiter.

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Dr. Winston O'Boogie · Nov 16, 2015

Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 5 of 12): Caine is the perfect hunting (and dancing) machine

In which we learn the true origins of the human race, as well as Caine Wise’s tragic backstory, which is uncannily similar to a certain legendary bouncer.