Rest in peace, Midge. We hardly knew ye.
I really thought Midge was gonna come out of this alive. I mean, the Black Hood once shot her and her boyfriend at point blank range and she survived without a scratch.…
Turn on the spotlights and raise the curtain, everybody! It’s showtime at Riverdale!
If you remember from last episode, the kids are putting on a production of the musical Carrie. Not sure why they picked Carrie specifically, since…
If Hiram’s evil plan to build a prison in Riverdale happens, maybe the economic boost to the town will let the Sisters of Quiet Mercy finally get out of the 1950s time warp that they appear to be stuck in.…
Now that Mayor McCoy has stepped down, Riverdale needs a new mayor. A special election is coming up and the Lodges know the perfect candidate: Fred Andrews. He’s a life-long Riverdale resident, a small business owner, and got shot by…
I want a mom like Alice Cooper. Alice Cooper has gone from being one of my least favorite characters (remember all of her petty level rankings in season 1?) to my absolute ride-or-die. Alice is #MomGoals. She makes big IHOP-style…
Apologies for the late recap everyone, but this episode of Riverdale was a bit of a filler one that’s leading up to much more interesting episode next week. This week focuses on Veronica and the Lodge family and all their…
You know what the best thing to do is when there’s a deranged serial killer running loose in your town? Bangin’. Like, lots of it.
According to Jughead, Archie and Veronica are engaging in “carnal defiance” and having lots of…
“Our story is not over,” begins Jughead’s narration for the season 2 premiere of Riverdale. Hell yeah, it isn’t! Welcome to the town where there’s creepy wig rooms, strange obsessions with maple syrup, dramatic funerals, and an absurd amount…
Hello, everyone! Welcome back to Riverdale, where there’s only one high school and one restaurant but there’s an Uber service that will take you to teen nightclubs.
As much as I like ragging on Riverdale and its strange economy, I…
I can’t even make fun of this week’s pretentious narration because we opened with a dream sequence where all the Riverdale characters are dressed like their retro counterparts. Jughead is even wearing his crown hat!
But like all dream sequences,…
Jughead tells us that fear is the most basic human emotion. You know what’s basic? These stupid narrations. Part of what keeps me from taking this show seriously is Jughead’s wannabe Truman Capote narrations. He doesn’t even have a good…
I almost entitled this recap “Funeral Flowers in the Attic” because we got heavy really heavy on the Blossom family and their campy, possibly incestuous ways. They live in a Gothic mansion called “Thornhill” and the Blossom women appear to…
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