Tagged: cheryl is nice (sort of)

Riverdale: Saints, sinners, and stalkers

This episode breaks from our usual faux-lisophical introductory narrations from Jughead and opens up with a new narrator reading from scroll of text announcing that we will be witness to three “twisted” tales connected to the Black Hood murders. These…

Riverdale: Go Greased Lightning!

According to Jughead, everyone is wearing a mask—metaphorically speaking, of course. The Black Hood just happens to wear his literally and he’s pretty happy with it. This stands in sharp contrast with Betty’s metaphorical mask, which is quickly unraveling and…

Riverdale: Lil' Crime Stoppers

Jughead informs us that every fairy tale has essentially the same warning: don’t go into the woods because there’s nothing but trouble there. Examples include Little Red Riding Hood meeting a hungry wolf and Goldilocks finding the three bears’ house.…

Riverdale: Death diner for cutie

I have only one thing to say about the townspeople of Riverdale: these hoes ain’t loyal. Pop’s Chock’lit Shoppe has been open since the 1950s and it’s the local hangout for kids and adults alike. But you have one little…

Riverdale: Daddy in a coma

“Our story is not over,” begins Jughead’s narration for the season 2 premiere of Riverdale. Hell yeah, it isn’t! Welcome to the town where there’s creepy wig rooms, strange obsessions with maple syrup, dramatic funerals, and an absurd amount…

Riverdale: Daddy Lessons

I can’t even make fun of this week’s pretentious narration because we opened with a dream sequence where all the Riverdale characters are dressed like their retro counterparts. Jughead is even wearing his crown hat! But like all dream sequences,…