Patrons get an ad-free experience and full access to our archives. Support the Agony Booth for as little as $1/month!
Don’t get me wrong, I want to see Justice League. I absolutely won't miss it. But the truth is I'd see Bridget Jones 4 if Batman showed up in it.
If the Joker’s plan from 1989’s Batman is an obvious called strike right in the middle of the plate, The Dark Knight’s Joker’s plan is the equivalent of the infield fly rule.
There was a time when a mega-expensive turd like Batman v Superman would have been soul-crushing for comic book fans. Back then, superhero movies were rare and wondrous things. When one sucked, it killed that character’s chance at another big…
“It’s amazing that a 150-minute film has such a flat and underdeveloped story. It really feels like a rush job, or that it’s a film based on cheap fan-service, or made by a committee.”
“There’s something almost fetishistic about the way people would love to see the Dark Knight take the Man of Steel down a peg or two.”
“There’s one thing Marvel fans, movie fans, and pretty much all of civilized society are in unanimous agreement upon: Please, not another Spider-Man origin story.”
“Why does a Hawaiian Aquaman make sense when his origins can be ethnically ambiguous? Because of the rest of his story.”
“Batman must never kill or carry a gun, not because it wouldn’t do any good to anyone, but because if he did, he wouldn’t be Batman anymore.”
“The great Wonder Woman, once a trippy, unique pulp sci-fi heroine, has been reduced to the generic Xena clone that Gal Gadot will apparently be playing onscreen. Because one warrior princess is the same as another, right?”
“Now to me, starting off with the concept of Superman and Batman beating each other’s brains out for two hours is just getting off on the wrong foot. It doesn’t really fit the characters, it’s a waste of potential, and it’s just plain not very interesting.”