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“Beowulf plays like someone gave $150 million to a group of 13-year-old boys and let them run amuck.”
“If there’s one quality that entertainment for Christians shares with video games made for pre-teen girls, it’s the idea that conflict is a dirty word.”
Joey sees if this sequel should be left alone like the complimentary salad he usually gets!
“While I wouldn’t go so far as to say that it’s one of Steven Spielberg’s best, his version of War of the Worlds is high up there on the rather short list of remakes that are actually better than the originals.”
“They join the battle alongside the French, all the while causing, presumably, numerous time paradoxes by blatantly messing with history. Or not. Timeline doesn’t really concern itself with such trivia.”
“Unfortunately, Ender is the only one who ever becomes fleshed out in three-dimensional form, with the rest of the cast seemingly there only to justify his bloody-yet-brilliant existence. It’s like having a high performance sports car and only being able to race it against family minivans.”
“Stephenie Meyer does for the alien invasion genre what she did for vampires and werewolves: she takes away everything you love about it, stuffs it with her own bizarre mythology, and uses it mostly to create a love triangle and romantic angst.”
“For those of us who have already seen LOTR, this is a nice look back at those films, and for those completely new to the trilogy, The Hobbit is a an exciting film that stands as a worthwhile story its own right.”
“A lot of the dialogue seemed to be entirely forced, as if the cast was stuck in class and the teacher was making them read aloud.”
“Catching Fire is a far superior, more adult film than The Hunger Games, as we see the young characters we recognize from the first film grow into the people that could potentially help shape a new world. In particular, we watch as Katniss begins to believe in the power she could wield, and we wonder if this mockingjay has finally spread her wings.”
“Who would have thought a movie about kids killing kids would be this family-friendly?”
“It’s safe to say that with its stilted acting, clumsy dialogue, and TV movie-level cinematography, Atlas Shrugged II is Objectively bad.”
“Because every screenwriter knows that if you can’t give your protagonist a personality, you can always give him a destiny.”
At long last, we reach the end of the Suspect's extended takes on the entire Harry Potter film franchise with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2! Let's take a gander and see how the final Harry Potter movie stacks up to its predecessors!
The Suspect brings you an epic review of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, a worthy follow-up to The Fellowship of the Ring, and one of the greatest "middle films" of a movie trilogy ever made!
The vampires are back, and more sparkly than ever. Will Bella be able to get over Edward? Will Jacob give up shirts altogether? Do you even care? Il Neige sure doesn't, but that's not gonna stop him from sitting through this two-hour mess of a sequel.
In his Agony Booth debut, Il Neige takes a look at the fantasy adventure Eragon, a film based on a book written by a kid, for kids. It's the Kidz Bop of Fantasy Literature!
“I can think of no other apt way to describe Beautiful Creatures than ‘the anti-Twilight’. It’s what it has very intentionally set out to be, in the same way that The Golden Compass set out to be the anti-Narnia.”
The Horror Guru compares Neil Gaiman's horror fantasy novella Coraline to the big screen adaptation directed by Henry Selick. Both tell the tale of a young girl who finds a secret door and crosses over into an alternate, unsettling reality, but which does the Guru prefer? The answer may surprise you!
UPDATED Nov. 7, 2012 with commentary from Sofie! Sofie revisits the movie that started a billion-dollar sparkly vampire franchise, 2008’s Twilight! Join her as she relives those first magical moments when codependency true love blossomed between Edward and Bella!strong