It’s the end of the year, and you know what that means: It’s time once again to look forward to the movies that no one is looking forward to. Some of you might recall...
Tagged: Based on a Young Adult Novel
“Mockingjay – Part 2 is the last Hunger Games film you’ll ever have to watch, so if you’ve got the last three under your belt already, then you may as well finish it out with this film.”
“For some reason, filmmakers seem to want to spread out a single book into two movies lately, which in my opinion makes these films drag, especially when it comes to Young Adult novels that don’t have a whole lot of in-depth detail to begin with.”
“With the abrupt ending of the first film, most had hoped the second entry would provide all the answers we never got. Instead, the previous film now makes even less sense.”
“It’s only two hours long, which is about standard for today, but it’s two hours that drag on longer than the last 15 minutes of class before summer vacation.”
“Under the guise of a genre meant to make people question power, these movies only offer a shallow illusion of doing so.”
“The movie gives us answers to exactly none of these questions. And here I thought the ending of Lost was a gyp.”
“There are times when it feels like the characters in The Giver are really just living in a slightly more authoritarian Disneyworld.”
“See what happens when humans decide to build whole societies around single isolated virtues and really boring color-coordinated wardrobes.”
“If the source novel didn’t start out as Twilight fanfic, I’ll drop dead of shock.”
“Catching Fire is a far superior, more adult film than The Hunger Games, as we see the young characters we recognize from the first film grow into the people that could potentially help shape a new world. In particular, we watch as Katniss begins to believe in the power she could wield, and we wonder if this mockingjay has finally spread her wings.”
“Who would have thought a movie about kids killing kids would be this family-friendly?”
It’s the first video of Sofie’s Twilight Month (which will probably now last into April) as she reviews the final Twilight film, Breaking Dawn: Part 2. It’s the end of a saga… Yeah, a saga, sure.
The vampires are back, and more sparkly than ever. Will Bella be able to get over Edward? Will Jacob give up shirts altogether? Do you even care? Il Neige sure doesn’t, but that’s not gonna stop him from sitting through this two-hour mess of a sequel.
Count Jackula and Horror Guru go on a killing spree due to the last entry of the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn: Part 2, starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner.
Stephenie Meyer’s novel gets split into two movies to extract an additional billion dollars from Twi-hards who line up for these things no matter how tedious or repulsive they get. And this one is certainly repulsive, as Bella gets pregnant with a half-vampire baby who treats her womb like a bouncy castle, Edward performs a Cesarean with his teeth, and Jacob embarks on an 18 year quest to groom his future wife.
UPDATED Nov. 7, 2012 with commentary from Sofie!
Sofie revisits the movie that started a billion-dollar sparkly vampire franchise, 2008’s Twilight! Join her as she relives those first magical moments when codependency true love blossomed between Edward and Bella!strong
Together with the Porn Critic, Sofie witnesses such exciting things as… a marriage! And a pregnancy! And pedophilia! Oh, Twilight, what will you come up with next?
Edward decides his kind is too dangerous to be around Bella, so he goes into contrived self-exile, leaving Bella to screech like a maniac for months before finally finding comfort in hot werewolf Jacob. Alas, Sofie’s endless mocking of the movie earns her the wrath of Pia (played by Sofie Liv), a scantily-clad airhead who breaks into Sofie’s house to share a love of all things Twilight!
“Michael A. Novelli steps up to host the Movie Skewer and take over our coverage of the Twilight Saga: the continuing misadventures of a vacant, passive high school girl, the creepy vampire who controls her, and the werewolf/rapist-in-training who comes between them! In the third installment, Bella and Edward are engaged, which pisses off Jacob, while Victoria organizes an army of “newborn” vampires to kill Bella and get revenge on Edward. So yeah, pretty much the same plot as New Moon, only this time they pay Bryce Dallas Howard to stand around and do nothing.”