Sad Whore Website* Can Do Better Than Sydney Leathers As Its New Spokesbaby

Sydney Leathers Tuscadero

Sydney Leathers has a new gig, and it is being the face of, two great tastes that taste great together, we are sure! You have all heard of, because it is a sad whore website that is really good at publicity. (But have you heard of Probably not, because we hadn't!) You have all heard of Sydney Leathers, because she is a sad whore who is really good at publicity.


(Note bene: We at and our sister website are unabashedly pro-whoring, paid or unpaid. Except when it is wrapped up in the execrable terms “sugardaddy” and “sugarbaby” and promises girls it is totally not sex work and just, like, a super cool way to buy important things like awesome handbags, in which case fuck you, gross, just be honest and be an escort, dude.)

(Note bene again: Why are we calling Sydney Leathers a sad whore? Because that shit was sad, yo. Just ask Jonathan Franzen!)

That out of the way, who would be a better face for than Sydney Leathers? Let us listicle.


Melania Trump. Melania Trump is waiting for her husband, Donald Trump, to die. Then the sad people who have to pay for girlfriends at might have a chance with her, presuming they are as awesome at being bankrupt as Donald Trump!

lizard people

Callista Gingrich. Callista Gingrich was Newt Gingrich's mistress. He likes to buy her many whore diamonds. Also, you have to buy her those reeeaaallly expensive eyedrops, because those eyes do not blink. She is terrifying, and you are scared now. Now let's all go back to forgetting about Callista Gingrich please.


Fat Kevin Federline. Desperate Kevin Federlines call for desperate measures. He'll take anyone, really.


Leona Helmsley's dog, Trouble. After Leona Helmsley's grandchildren contested her will, Leona Helmsley's dog found itself five million pounds poorer. Sad Dog! Also: Dead Dog! But if Dead John Wayne can sell you Crystal Pepsi or whatever, Zombie Trouble should be able to convince old ladies they can pay someone to lick their feet.

ann romneys nipple

Not Ann Romney. Ann Romney loves her husband, and has been there for him through thick and through thick, and is getting all kinds of hot Mittens action now that they've finally got California's beach nazis off their backs. You have no chance with Ann Romney, who needs to “lose 15 pounds” anyway. (For all our problems with Ann Romney, and they are legion, we never thought she was ugly on the outside.)

So there is your free advice, Ladies, should you need some advice on how to keep your high-value master, why not Ask A Lesbian?

UPDATE! Well, we really fucked the dog on this one, with our false and negative story, as Leathers is the face of which is obviously NOT, as noted by some lady:

You wrote a story about my client Sydney Leathers and I have a word of advice for you… you should spend some time researching a story before you write your negative incorrect story. Hilarious you put she is the spokesperson for and she is not affiliated with that company at all. So i'll let you use this thing called 'Google' where you can search a persons name and read real news sources like NYDailyNews and Complex Magazine where you can read the correct story and company she is working for and then edit your false one.

Thanks, some lady! We've corrected our false and negative story so that it is true and negative.


You may also like...