Surviving Christmas (2004) (part 7 of 7)

Alicia wanders in and asks Drew a question about his real family, and why he would go through such histrionics to avoid them. Violins swell on the soundtrack, telling us we’re supposed to care as he details his childhood for her.

His dad walked out on him as a tyke (this, despite earlier telling everyone about memories of his father), and Mom was a diner waitress who worked constantly. His Christmases involved sitting at a counter and eating the pancakes that she gave him. He’s never been able to sit in a diner ever since. At this point, I’d like to quote the esteemed Rod Tidwell regarding this revelation:

Boo – Fucking – Hoo!

By now, I so detest this Drew, and find him so devoid of anything human, that I actually want nothing but for him to feel that exact same despair all over again. I’d like for him to be reduced to a shell of his former self and wander into the nearest IHOP, where he then aspirates on a mouthful of Belgian waffle.

He’s spent all this energy doing everything in his power to make me hate him, and in the season of goodwill towards men, too. Okay, he hasn’t exactly turned me against mankind, but I do hate him. And that goodwill does not apply to him. He’s far from being a man.

Alicia leaves him to go retrieve her father, and next we see Drew has gathered his things. He pauses in the living room and whips out his notebook and starts a new “list of grievances”, because last time he tried this it worked out so well.

He writes, “Everyone I love leaves me.” (So buy a legless hamster, you dolt!) He steps over to the fireplace and tosses the list into the flames, then whispers, “I forgive you.” Then he stops by the tree, and claps twice.

Caption contributed by Martini Shark

The only other time this movie generated clapping was when the credits came up.

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Multi-Part Article: Surviving Christmas (2004)

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