Surviving Christmas (2004) (part 5 of 7)

Drew continues the shallowness by telling Christine he’s going to bring her to professional stylists and photographers, and glam her up. Because nothing can salve a ruined spousal connection more than a session at a portrait studio! She bursts into tears, and tells him he’s made his mother so happy.

And then Drew appeals to Alicia, asking her to go tobogganing. He pesters her incessantly about it until she breaks down and agrees. As they head outside, they encounter Doo-Dah in the front yard (who evidently smells of weed), and then they see Tom sliding up the driveway in his new muscle car. Eventually, the scene goes nowhere and ends awkwardly.

Cut to a professional portrait studio, where a photographer (Udo Kier) is about to shoot Christine, who’s been tarted up to look like a former stripper who came out of retirement to support her crystal meth habit. This is empowering for the mother of two, you understand.

Caption contributed by Albert

“Good god! And they thought I was scary as Dracula!”

Then, with “Cherry Pie” torqued up on the soundtrack, we get Christine served up in a variety of feminist approved poses.

Caption contributed by Martini Shark

“I’ve never heard of Easy Rider magazine! Are you sure I’ll be popular?”

Out on the toboggan hill, the kids are having a thrilling afternoon. Brian is pushed down a hill with a four foot summit, and Drew is disappointed with the results. Next, they’re in a helicopter, scouting out larger hills to toboggan down. Soon, they’re atop an impressive peak, and Brian walks away, but Drew and Alicia resort to an extended round of taunting each other about being too chicken to go down. This of course means they will, while clutched together.

They careen at breakneck speed through the taiga, and culminate with a wild snowbound crash. They end up in a pile, laughing hysterically and sharing a moment. And I’m about to share the lunch I ate an hour ago. Cut to them swaddled on the couch, and he’s brought her hot cocoa, because somehow walking home in wet clothes means they both caught a cold in less than thirty minutes.

To read the rest of this article, support the Agony Booth on Patreon.
This post is available to our patrons who pledge $2 or more per month on Patreon. Click the “Unlock with Patreon” button below to sign up with Patreon or to log in with your existing Patreon account.
Already a qualifying Patreon member? Refresh to access this content.
Multi-Part Article: Surviving Christmas (2004)

You may also like...