VIDEO: Supergirl (1984)

Christopher Reeve quit the Superman franchise (temporarily, alas) leaving the Salkinds with only one option: find a Superman side character to fuck up just as bad. And so they begat Supergirl, starring Helen Slater as Kara Zor-El and Faye Dunaway as evil sorceress Selena (essentially, Joan Crawford without the scary eyebrows) in this stunningly awful, TV movie-level production that doesn’t care the slightest bit about the Supergirl character, superheroes in general, or fundamental concepts of product placement.

Also, this is the Agony Booth’s 1000th post!! (Check the URL if you don’t believe us.) Thanks to all our reviewers, readers and viewers who made it happen!

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  • Muthsarah

    “…he looks like hell and he’s babbling incoherently, which is odd seeing as how he’s only been here about three days”

    I’m guessing you haven’t heard much about Peter O’Toole.

  • Alexa

    To be honest I’d watch this over Man of Steel. Sure it’s badly written, with lackluster acting, and cheap effects, but at least I would have fun watching it, since its so hilariously bad and its not so up its own ass with a dour and ” serious” mood.

    • Jay_Bay

      That makes two of us…

      • ThatScottishGuy

        You also forgot that A] he keeps screaming “BLAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” AND B] They do that shitty Jesus thing again. XD why? DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!!!

  • danbreunig

    “this is the Agony Booth’s 1000th post!!…Thanks to all our reviewers, readers and viewers who made it happen!”

    Thanks to YOU, Albert & Co., for making it all happen. AB’s reviews–and really, reviewers–ultimately helped me change my own life for the better, believe it or not. Something’s going right.

  • kennzeichen1d

    Nice review, but…
    That clip of “Casino Royal” 1967 reminds me:
    Why has no one from the bad-movie-podcast/video-review-circuit tackeled that glorious mess yet?
    Oh, your 15-page article?
    No, does not count.

    • I think any video review that tried to summarize the plot of the 1967 Casino Royale would end up being longer than the actual movie…

      • kennzeichen1d

        True. True.

  • Jay_Bay

    *Watches the video*
    *Looks down and sees that he is eating Popeyes and drinking A&W creme soda*


    • Were you eating that before you started watching the review? Or did you slam back a can of Schlitz, black out for a while and they were suddenly there?

      • Jay_Bay

        Option 2…..but I don’t know what I had the urge for Schlitz Malt Liquor BULL!

  • Jill Bearup

    Happy 1000th post! :D

    Ah, Supergirl. An entire film of WHAT? No, but WHAT? WHY?

  • The one good idea this movie came up with is Supergirl’s secret identity, a change of hairstyle and colour sure beats glasses as a disguise.

    • No, that’s from the original comics. It’s something different than the glasses thing, I’ll give them that, but as a disguise it might be even weaker.

      • Thomas Hayes

        In the 2005-2011 series she sometimes used both glasses and a wig, but eventually ended up using just the glasses. In fact I think in some stories she used neither – they never really explain how she doesn’t get recognised. Likewise Kara’s alternate-reality twin Powergirl didn’t use any kind of facial disguise either until really late in her own series, when she started using – you guessed it – glasses and a wig.

  • Thomas Hayes

    I used to really like this film when I was about twelve. Looking back on it now I realise pretty much the only reason was that I had a crush on Helen Slater – even then I knew there was something off about the rest of the movie, aside perhaps from Jerry Goldsmith’s score. These days I can’t stand watching it, but I’ve met a few people who like it as a guilty pleasure and some, mostly women, who genuinely love it, because it’s one of the few superheroine films without any overt sexualisation of the protagonist or straw feminism in it.

    If anything comes out of Man of Steel, I really hope they give this character another shot at movie success. I just hope David S. Goyer doesn’t write it because I don’t want a DC movie universe with a mopey Superman AND mopey Supergirl.

    • Thomas Stockel

      Don’t feel bad about liking this movie because of a crush; I had the same reason for loving Xanadu: Olivia Newton John (sighs).

    • Yeah, Slater looks pretty good in the costume, but honestly, is there a woman on earth who doesn’t look hotter in a Supergirl costume? It’s like an immutable law of cosplay.

      • ThatScottishGuy

        Hotter then her, I thought Laura Windervoot? The actress who played Kara on Smallville did a good job, and looked hotter then slater, then again slater is superman’s mom laura :3 they got a lot fo past supes people to work on that show. of course i’m only scottish, what I Consider sexy you may consider terrible. however i;m immortal :D

        • Thomas Hayes

          I was interested when they announced Kara would be in Smallville – but not enough to go out of my way to watch it. I did also find it amusing that Annette O’Toole, Chris Reeve and Helen Slater all had roles in that show.

  • danbreunig

    Just wanted to add something that I just noticed at 12:10: Zaltar is playing Maximillian.

  • TheScottCSmith

    If someone could figure out how to combine this movie and “The Room” we’d have the world’s greatest movie ever.

    • ThatScottishGuy

      i thought birdemic II already did that. Super girly room: The Movie. with Tommy Waisu as super girl. and the Tom Hnaks as batman and andrew garfield as…wonder woman, awh yes it would be perfect!!

  • James Elfers

    Its a shame that there are so few female superhero films. Wonder Woman was an OK TV show for at least two of its seasons but just about every Wonder Woman movie has blown monkey chunks. Supergirl could have been interesting, especially if it had if not adult themes, at least an adult bent. For example the first two Superman movies Superman admitted he had the hots for Lois but he didn’t actually consummate his relationship with her until after he had given up his super powers. That indicated that the writers of the movie were at least familiar with David Gerrold’s famous essay “Man of Steel: Woman of Kleenex.”

    Supergirl could be a simlilarly conflicted character, attracted to human men but terrified that if she actually made love to one she might actually injure or even kill him! This movie does not even address the problem She is just another female infatuated with a hunky man. Unlike Wonder Woman who makes it clear that she has no need of men. Supergirl, in the comics at least, has many infatuations which she never acts upon. The superman movies (at lest the first two) were written for broad audiences. There were things for little kids to admire as well as adults. Supergirl seems to have been written only for not very deep thinking teenagers. Male teenagers at that. Instead of a film for everyone we end up with a movie that pleases no one.

    • MephLord

      It’s not like there’s a lack of good female characters either. Scarlet Witch, Black Canary (although I’d rather see a Birds of Prey movie), Photon, Starfire, Shi, Ms. Marvel, are all good characters that I believe would translate well into movies.

      • Thomas Stockel

        The Birds of Prey television series sucked but I think it was more due to them straying from the source material than the concept. If they did Birds of Prey more like Arrow and been more faithful to the comic then I think the series could have worked.

        So yeah, I’d love to see a Birds of Prey motion picture, but with Barbara Gordon out of the wheelchair I guess there would be a fat chance of that. :/

    • Thomas Hayes

      I’m not sure it was written for anyone. In the Nostalgia Chick’s review she gave a bit of the film’s history, and apparently due to conflicts between the producers, director and screenwriter, the script went through about 5 drafts and was still being re-written on set. This is why the plot is disjointed, the tone uneven and why there’s all those pointless scenes in the school! I think the production of this film isn’t that bad for its day (dry hair and briefly visible wires I can tolerate) but the script is rotten.

  • redjirachi

    Originally, Earth-Prime was going to be spared from the Anti-Monitor’s assault. Then he saw this movie

  • Asher

    Granted, this movie struck out with many a critic and moviegoer, but ya know what? I’d much rather watch this than BATMAN & ROBIN any day.