Super-Smart ‘Doomsday Preppers’ Guy Can’t Quit Fondling His Illegal Guns For The Teevee Cameras

Super-Smart 'Doomsday Preppers' Guy Can't Quit Fondling His Illegal Guns For The Teevee Cameras

So let’s say you’re a felon. A particularly not-nice sort of felon, like a Level One sex offender. Let’s say you are prohibited from owning guns because of your felony-ness. Should you go on a teevee show and display the large array of weapons you keep? No you should not!

Tyler Smith believed he was doing a service to his nation by being a so-called “doomsday prepper,” readying his family for almost any disaster at his Buckley property.

But his county took issue with the convicted felon’s firearms, which law enforcement saw featured in a November episode of the National Geographic Channel survivalist TV show, “Doomsday Preppers.

Have you ever seen this show? It is a completely depressing thing to view, unless you’re super into raving paranoia and weapon-humping.

These people are not the best and the brightest. They’re more the most aggro and the baldest. Also, Mr. Doomsday Prepper Tyler Smith in particular, you are not very smart, given that it didn’t occur to you to be stealthier about your weapons-owning. You also forgot, Tyler Smith, to register your level one sex offender status, which is a big illegal no no. You are not who we wish to rely upon in the event of a zombie apocalypse or the Muslim leftist hordes overrunning ‘Merica, or whatever your particular flavor of doomsday prepping might be. Also, Tyler Smith is not a very savory person. He is pretty much the personification of unsavory.

Court records show Smith pleaded guilty in 2009 to communicating with a minor for immoral purposes, for inappropriately touching a drunken 14-year-old girl in an Auburn parking lot. In 2009, he pleaded guilty to first-degree theft in Pierce County for failing to pay for a motorcycle he purchased, according to court records.

See? Were you planning on having Mr. Thieving Pedophile be the person to lead you to safety in your Brave New World? Probably not, unless it is one of those super-dystopian Stephen King novels where the person that is the center of all power post-apocalypse is a terrible person.

And lest you think that Tyler Smith’s bad acts are all in his past, let’s go have a fun look at what he actually said on this stupid Doomsday Preppers show, the very existence of which fills us with regret for the once-noble institution National Geographic once was.

Smith made statements on the show about his doomsday prepping such as: “We’re not in it to stockpile. We’re in it to take what you have and there’s nothing you can do to stop us. We are your worst nightmare, and we are coming.”

That does not really sound like doomsday prepping, Tyler Smith! It sounds more home invasion-y than anything else, which is generally a thing people are not into, or at least if they are, they don’t brag about it on fourth-rate basic cable channels. He’s right about one thing, though. He actually IS our worst nightmare, because a heavily armed unregistered sex offender who is in the grip of a completely irrational and paranoid fear that doomsday is coming and he will survive by stockpiling MREs and guns is pretty much the very last person we ever want to meet.

[News Tribune via Happy operative “Lisa Z”]

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  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    “…readying his family for almost any disaster…”Except for, ya know, his own damn self.

    • peteywheats

      A story as old as Gun-nuttery itself.

  • splashy79

    So, is he being paid by the arms dealers to freak everyone out so they will buy more guns to protect themselves against people like HIM?

    • willi0000000

      be careful lest you become what you resist.

  • george gonzalez

    So we should cancel your date with this guy? We can tell him you had to go ammo shopping, that should work.

    • willi0000000

      never tell this jerk that you have something he wants to steal. tell him you’re stockpiling MLP videos for when the TV cable dies in the revolution.

  • John

    He seems nice, and not at all in depserate need of electro-shock therapy.

    • resolvedwaldron

      Actually EST is for severe depression. No this guy is a paranoid-schizophrenic and needs large doses of Haldol and Thorazine…the old fashion way, a needle in the buttocks.

  • Farb

    Some preppers are just guys fueling their feelings of adequacy by pretending to be tough guys. Real preppers learn first aid and simple medical procedures. They learn the natural formulary for drugs and other important natural substances. They learn not only how to hunt and trap, but how to forage and to farm. They learn how to work a barter economy. They become on good terms with neighbors who might be able to help in an emergency. They learn wood working and metallurgy. They learn animal husbandry. They learn the rudiments of health, nutrition, and education. They stock educational materials rather than massive amounts of semi-perishable foodstuffs. They learn cartographic skills and how to read the weather as much as possible. They learn how to make fire. What many of these folks don’t realize is that if push comes to shove and they are required to use firearms in defense, they are probably already in an untenable position. I’m not saying that firearm use, safety, small squad tactics, and general security issues are not important. I’m only saying that they are a SMALL part of what is necessary to real preparation. The firearm obsessed are mere dilettantes.

    • willi0000000

      sorry, but real doomsday preppers are learning plate tectonics, vulcanology, climatology, physics, chemistry, mathematics, engineering, astronomy, orbital mechanics, rocketry…you know, things that might be useful in preventing doomsday from ever happening.[oh yeah, and things like empathy]

      • Farb

        Empathy is good. And I support all scientific efforts. But there are a load of folks without the brain power and basic education sufficient to addressing those things. If they feel the need to prep, it will be on a different but no less proactive level. Anyway, at present we’re a long way from being able to do much more than flee from a volcanic eruption and cataclysmic storms. (Though I think the scientific community does yeomans work in many of the fields you mention.)

    • Deleted

      This post was deleted.

  • axonneuron

    Wow. I have that book.

  • redarmyzombie

    “who is in the grip of a completely irrational and paranoid fear that doomsday is coming and he will survive by stockpiling MREs and guns AND STRAIGHT-UP MURDERING PEOPLE!!!”There. Fixed it for you, just for those who needed further clarification…

  • Roket

    Damn the bad luck. Now doomsday will probably arrive while Tyler Smith is sharing a jail cell with Bubba.

  • bjkeefe

    Not that I hold any brief whatsoever for pedophiles, much less gun-fondling ones, but you should have been a little more honest about the meaning of “Level One.”Granted, the definition was in the article at the link, but come on — you used the term, twice, as though it were the worst level of offense, as opposed to this, from your source: “Level 1 is the designation for those least likely to reoffend.”I’m all for going over the top on a mommywarblog, for humor, but this strikes me as qualitatively different. It’s very close to a lie, and in any case, it is beneath you.

  • bround greef

    MRAs with MREs? With STDs?

  • wlipman

    Bear in mind that the Nat Geo channels are actually owned by a consortium of companies, with Rupert Murdoch’s NewsCorp owning 73% of the action. That, kiddies, explains everything.

  • trex67

    Nice Kinks ref, btw. Not seeing enough of those, Snipy.

  • ZorakHendrix

    So if the only people left on Earth after “Doomsday” are “Doomsday Preppers” why the hell would I even want to survive in the first place?

  • Farb

    Okay, so in an effort to learn skills useful after the volcanic nuclear winter global warming zomboid plaque of locusts alien armageddon apocalypse, I hereby commit to learning to cut hair. So, do you want the white sidewalls or the baldy?