Super Friends! “The Mysterious Moles” (part 4 of 8)

Back at the Hall of Justice, the team is having a “think session”, which basically amounts to Wonder Woman writing down plot points on a chalkboard, while the guys stroke their chins thoughtfully. To be fair, this is more productive than any meeting I’ve ever sat in on at my workplace.

Caption contributed by Ed

“This can only mean that… Hey, is everyone paying attention? Stop staring at my chest, goddammit!”

They jabber on, and Robin notes that Mrs. Mole was wearing mountain climbing gear, even though there are no mountains in Cave County. Call me nuts, but I’ve seen hikers and mountain climbers, and the dress code isn’t really all that different. Then again, this is Robin we’re talking about. The guy has never been known for having a great mind.

Aquaman looks up Mr. and Mrs. Mole on the computer, though why they’re having Fish Boy man the tech stuff when Batman is right there is beyond me. I guess it gives him something to do so he doesn’t wander off in the middle of meetings.

Caption contributed by Ed

“Hey guys, you sure this thing will dispense fish sticks?”

Regardless, Aquaman finds that the Moles are both “highly regarded spelunkers”, and Mr. Mole is a retired professor of “speleology”, which is the study of caves and caverns. This triggers a brainstorm from Wonder Woman, as she remembers hearing about the guy searching for “the Bottomless Cave”. Superman chimes in with the little fact that Mr. Mole thought the cave was located in Cave County, and we get a rather laborious exchange with the Dynamic Duo that confirms the obvious.

Robin: That explains why she was wearing mountain climbing gear!
Batman: Right, Robin. A small pick, a coil of rope, pitons. Those same tools are used for exploring caves.

Man, I’m beginning to miss the quiet dignity and grace that Adam West and Burt Ward brought to these roles.

Superman wonders how spelunking ties in with the air conditioner thefts, and with that, we go to commercial.

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Back in the caves, the Blunder Trio continues on as Ted also states the obvious, expositing that they’re in Bottomless Cave. This is confirmed by Wendy saying, “Jeepers, I can’t see the bottom!” They notice the cave is getting warmer as they move on, and for some reason, Wonder Dog sneezes.

Caption contributed by Ed

“Jeepers, that guy with the blue laser sword is cutting that monster’s arm off! Neato!”

From off-screen, Mrs. Mole (whose name is Minnie, by the way) can be heard, and she thinks it was Maximus who just sneezed. Marvin and Wendy loudly notice Mrs. Mole as she stands over a precipice with a rope.

Note to Marvin and Wendy: The really good superheroes know how to use what is called an “inner monologue”. Not on this show, I’ll grant you, but still!

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 4 of 8)

Mrs. Mole scolds Max for not wearing his long underwear, but he replies that he actually is wearing them. She points out he just sneezed, and while a good villain would immediately guess someone else was in the cave with them, our villains today are only slightly smarter than Marvin and Wendy.

Max wants to take a break, but Minnie insists they have to keep going until they get to “Molesville”. And if you think that name is dumb, get a load of the response this yields from above.

Wendy: Molesville? What’s that?
Marvin: I guess that’s what they call the place they’re heading for!

Thank you, Marvin. Loosen your tablecloth cape a bit; I think it’s cutting off the flow of blood to your brain. Actually, on second thought, tighten it up a bit more, doofus.

Max is still whining, and Minnie is still browbeating him, and they just bicker on and on about tech stuff. Max has to be reminded of every detail concerning the plan (something about a drill), and Max asks his husband—uh, wife (sorry, she’s bulky enough that it’s hard to tell) to remind him to refill a bottle with “walk water” when they get down.

I’m torn on who’s supposed to be the brains behind this operation. That tends to happen when your choices are a forgetful pensioner and a she-male.

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 4 of 8)

Up above, Wendy remarks she can’t hear them anymore (I guess her two brain cells shut down again) and after some laborious banter, they head back.

Cut to our actual heroes (I refuse to accept two annoying kids and a dog who sort of talks/barks as heroes), who are still in the middle of their meeting. Wonder Woman guesses that the Moles found and began researching Bottomless Cave, but they needed cooling units to combat the increasing heat.

Superman wonders how a middle-aged couple could pull off the A/C thefts. Well, given that Mrs. Mole is built like a Russian weightlifter, I can sort of see her not having too much trouble. But moving the units through the caves and powering them is also an issue, and Wonder Woman remarks about the proximity of the house to the thefts, and the whole deal with the tree and boulder.

Caption contributed by Ed

“You guys had better not be staring at my ass!”

Either Aquaman or Batman replies that the kids went back to check out the tracks, but given that neither one of them is moving their mouths, and Wonder Woman is moving her head, I’d say some line changes were made during post.

Robin exclaims, “Holy humble pie!” and they all head after the kids, save for Superman, who wants to check out a theory of his own. Evidently, there’s a huge A/C unit on top of the local power plant.

Back in the caves, the Moles are descending further down with a rope. Ted’s voice intrudes to again restate the obvious, as they walk into a prehistoric landscape. Yes, this is Molesville. An underground city with… dinosaurs. At least in this shot, anyway. You won’t be seeing them again.

Caption contributed by Ed

If I see Vince Vaughn and Julianne Moore anywhere, I’m leaving.

Minnie mentions grabbing some diamonds that are lying around, and we now see the drill they plan to use. Well, it’s actually a drillmobile, that according to our narrator “can bore a path through soil and solid rock”. You know, because it’s not like they already got down there without it! You can never get too stupid on this show.

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 4 of 8)

While Minnie works on the drill, Max goes to get some more “walk water”. As he does, a palm tree walks up to him. Max exposits to the tree, as it drinks water through its roots, that it’s the water that gives inanimate objects the ability to move, thus explaining the tree and boulder.

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 4 of 8)

Our villains exit Molesville using the drill, which bores up through the ground to the surface. We get a little more exposition on how the diamonds are inaccessible due to the heat, which does nothing to explain how Max and Minnie can move around down there if it’s so goddamn hot.

Also, this brings up another issue. If there’s a steady supply of running water and it’s getting too hot down there, doesn’t this mean that the water is also heating up? I don’t expect scientific accuracy in cartoons, or in pretty much any form of entertainment for that matter, but I do prefer not to have to wrack my brain to fill in the blank spots left behind by the writers.

I think this is what happens when you restrict the writing team to pot. I’m not advocating heavy drug usage, but when Mr. T is providing more entertainment than a show with Superman and Batman working together, I kind of have to go that route.

Ed Harris

A fan of less than great cinema since childhood, Ed divides his time between writing scripts, working an actual paying job and subjecting himself willingly to some of the worst films society has produced.

Multi-Part Article: Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles"

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