Super Friends! “The Mysterious Moles” (part 2 of 8)

Our episode proper begins with our Trio of Tedious Irritation riding bikes through a rather badly done background drawing of trees. Seriously, it looks like something done in watercolors. Wendy is riding by herself, and Marvin is on a bicycle built for two, with Wonder Dog riding in what most bikers would call the “bitch position”.

Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles" (part 2 of 8)

Ted comes on to narrate, telling us that our trio is… well, this will be shocking to all, but they’re stopping for a rest break. Like most omniscient narrators, Ted (as much as I love the guy) is about as welcome as a scorching case of herpes. By the end of this, you’ll be praying for Ed Asner to come in and tell him to shut the hell up. Trust me.

Marvin exposits by way of a map drawn in the dirt that they’re in the middle of “Cave County”, to which Wendy remarks she’d like to come back some time to explore some caves. You know, because it’s not like they’re here right now, and have nothing better to do.

Wonder Dog notices some bird-like tracks, and since he and his two buddies are knockoffs of Scooby Doo, Wendy exclaims, “Jeepers!” at the sight of them.

Oh, Wendy? A message just came for you from some chick named Velma. She says you’re not fooling anyone, and she wants a royalty check in three days, otherwise Scooby and Shaggy will come over to your house and raid the fridge.

Caption contributed by Ed

This new version of Duck Hunt is frigging weird!

They go to investigate the tracks, but notice their bikes have been moved. Well, not really. The tree and boulder they were near just aren’t there anymore. Marvin says that “someone moved our things”, though we haven’t seen them with anything other than their bikes, which are right in front of them. I guess I was right about the paste-eating thing.

Caption contributed by Ed

Keep scratching, Marvin, maybe you’ll activate your brain. I’d bet your life on it, in fact.

Actually, the idea is that there’s now a house in the background, and Marvin’s map that he drew in the dirt is gone, but the script is so shoddily written, you end up being just as confused as Marvin and Wendy. That’s not a fun place to be, folks. You’re better off stranded in the desert with no water than being on the same wavelength as these two.

Wendy points out that someone must have moved the boulder and tree that the bikes were near, to which Marvin says, “How can anyone move a tree?”

Marvin, Superman just sent an urgent message for you. It reads, “Marvin, you’re a retard. P.S.: I am writing this with one hand while holding an oak tree in the other, you stupid shit bucket.”

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Ed Harris

A fan of less than great cinema since childhood, Ed divides his time between writing scripts, working an actual paying job and subjecting himself willingly to some of the worst films society has produced.

Multi-Part Article: Super Friends! "The Mysterious Moles"

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