May 29, 2018
Super Friends! “The Giants of Doom” (part 5 of 5)
In the Egyptian desert, Captain Cold is declaring that the Legion of Doom now controls Africa. He freezes the Pyramids and the Sphinx, fulfilling our gratuitous landmark quota. Meanwhile in London, Toyman rides a gigantic toy tank (well, it’s a regular sized tank, but he’s sitting on it) through the city, naturally passing the Thames.
An army of toy airplanes appears, dropping a platoon of toy soldiers down into the city. The army surrenders faster than the French ever dreamed of, and Toyman laughs and gloats that he now controls Europe.
Our heroes reach earth, and Superman bumps right into the force field. Hilariously, they’ve animated him so that he looks larger than the goddamn planet. Nice sense of scale, guys. Hope you never design any homes.
Batman remarks about the force field (apparently, not only can he fly through space without a spacesuit, but he can also talk) and Superman tries again, this time with Green Lantern.
This fails as well, and Superman up and quits. I guess that’s why they call him the Man of Steel, eh? Batman exclaims that they’ll need to use the Justice League satellite. He wants to rewire the thing so they can turn off the force field, but Robin of all people gives a technobabble-laden excuse about how they can only turn off the field from the Hall of Justice.
And I have to say, I love how Batman just nods during all this, as if to say, “Keep it up, jackass. What, are your dolphin shorts riding up again?”
The article continues after these advertisements...
Batman puts on a helmet, and it turns out they’ve been inside a protective field generated by Green Lantern the entire time. Really? Because you certainly wouldn’t have known it from the goddamned animation! What, was green an expensive color in the late ‘70s? I know there was an energy crisis, and the economy was in the shitter, but Jesus!
In all fairness, there is a brief shot of the group flying with a green field around them, but it’s only a few frames at most.
Batman fiddles around a bit and suddenly, Superman exclaims the force field is gone. Oh man, the tension was almost too much for me there. I thought I was going to pass… Oh wait, that was just gas. Never mind.
They get back to the Hall in no time and are looking at the monitor, where they see the villains have successfully taken over the world. Yep, all it took was some vague science, a purple alien, a retarded Superman, a goofball with a toy fixation in a jester costume, and the world’s number one Mr. Freeze impersonator, and the entire world was brought to its knees.
Hawkman says they don’t have a chance, but the computer corrects him, noting that Bizarro left traces of the elements in the computer. I like to think that after this, Hawkman was subjected to about a week of the other team members constantly screwing with him. Aquaman putting fish in his bed, Wonder Woman tying him up with the lasso and hanging him from the flagpole out front, stuff like that.
Batman reprograms the computer to duplicate the growth ray, and in no time, Superman, Batman, Flash, and Green Lantern are giants.
They head off to defeat the bad guys, beginning in Peking, where Sinestro has gotten the locals to make him a giant rickshaw, complete with soldier bearers.
Green Lantern interrupts, and they face off. Sinestro makes a yellow rope (well, it turns reddish brown for some reason) and ties Lantern up. Lantern responds by using his ring to create a bottle with a cork in which he traps Sinestro.
In Egypt, Captain Cold is collecting ransom to defrost the desert, when Flash turns up. He melts the ice with his super speed and dodges a blast from Cold’s gun. The shot bounces off a pyramid and hits Cold, freezing him.
After a lame joke about shipping Cold back in dry ice, it’s off to London, where Toyman is still gloating. Batman appears, standing on a boat which amazingly holds his weight just fine, and Toyman orders the tank he’s on to fire a ray at the Caped Crusader.
The shot misses, and Batman leaps in front of the toy soldier army, knocking them over like dominoes. Batman apprehends Toyman easily (I know, shocking), and then it’s back to D.C. as Superman confronts Bizarro.
As with the other “showdowns”, the fight between Superman and Bizarro is over fairly quickly, as Bizarro tosses the broken Washington Monument at Superman. Supes catches it and puts it back in place, before easily stuffing Bizarro in between the pillars of the Lincoln Memorial.
The other heroes show up and Superman declares victory. Suddenly, the Hall of Doom appears, hovering in mid-air, while Luthor taunts the good guys from inside. The Darth Vader Helmet then shoots a beam that transports the four captured villains away, and flies off.
Superman and Lantern fly after it, and Superman intercepts it like a football. After a bit of gloating, he lifts it up, only to find it’s empty and the Legion of Doom has somehow escaped.
As with the other episodes in this version of the show, the Super Friends are strangely accepting of the escape of villains who split the moon in half and briefly took over the world. I guess when stuff like this happens every single episode, you just roll with it after a while.
Superman says that “the giants of doom are no match for the giants of justice” and the episode ends. And no, we never see the Super Friends shrink themselves back down to normal size. As far as I can tell, they plan to just be giants forever.
Wow, that was both awesome and stupid at the same time. Admittedly, the addition of the “classic” villains really helps the show, though it does nothing to diminish the outlandish stupidity of the plots. Still, I can see why this iteration of the show is the most popular: it’s the most amazingly insane.