Super Friends! “The Giants of Doom” (part 3 of 5)

That little job taken care of, Supes goes to take on the baddies. They fly away, only to be stopped dead in their tracks when Superman flies right in front of them. Yep, just like if they were running on earth, which I’m sure happens at some point. It’s a given with this frigging show.

Super Friends! "The Giants of Doom" (part 3 of 5)

Well, at least we should get a good fight out of this.

Sinestro goes after Superman with his power ring, but Superman punches the blast from the ring back at the bad guys, trapping them in a yellow force field.

Caption contributed by Ed

Then again, maybe not.

With that, Superman flies the bad guys back to earth, as Batman and Robin follow.

Back at home base, Sinestro and Bizarro are confined to a cage consisting of energy beams. Naturally, this cage is right in the middle of the control room, because as we all know, only bad guys have dungeons to put prisoners in.

Super Friends! "The Giants of Doom" (part 3 of 5)

Superman is amazingly smug about the situation, but Sinestro points out there are eleven other Legion of Doom members out there. Though, given the two toughest have already been captured with relative ease, I’d say that’s not that much to worry about.

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As Batman chimes in with some smugness of his own where he reveals that, shockingly enough, they were smart enough to confiscate Sinestro’s ring, Flash intercepts an emergency message. It’s from a very broadly Greek soldier, who tells them Toyman and Captain Cold have taken over the Parthenon.

You know, if you let these two guys take over your country, your ancient monuments, or hell, even your goddamned hot dog stand, I think you deserve it, because you obviously can’t defend your turf for shit.

Green Lantern and Aquaman (now there’s an eclectic pair) race to the scene, as our C-List villains revel in their triumph. Toyman gloats, noting that as soon as they have the third element, they will “all become big kids and have the Earth as our toy!” You know, because he’s the Toyman. I should also point out he has a really annoying high-pitched, almost childish voice. And his laugh isn’t much better. To be honest, my ears are bleeding just a little bit right now.

Captain Cold shoots the Parthenon with his freezing gun, which not only freezes the building, but the entire mountain as well. You know, as dumb as this is, it’s still eons better than having someone like Mr. Freeze who makes atrocious puns for two hours. I mean, if nothing else, this episode is ninety minutes shorter.

Super Friends! "The Giants of Doom" (part 3 of 5)

Toyman operates a backhoe, which is actually the biggest strain of credulity in the entire episode, given what a moron the guy is, and begins to dig through the mountain.

Green Lantern and Aquaman observe from above as the digging causes the Parthenon to cave in. Evidently, the backhoe causes some major seismic tremors if that’s happening. I doubt John Deere would approve.

Caption contributed by Ed

One’s an intergalactic cop, the other can talk to fish. Together… well, the dude in green fights crime, anyway.

The third element is discovered, and like the second element, it’s just a glowing rock. You know, I understand cartoons are generally made on pretty tight budgets, but come on!

Toyman grabs it and wastes some time expositing, which of course gives our heroes time to corner them. Toyman has on rocket-powered ice skates, however, as does Captain Cold, and they speed off.

Lantern stops them with a blast from his ring that creates an igloo, and of course, this is all it takes to beat them. Normally, I’d have an issue with this, but with the two loser villains here, it’s not all that surprising.

Back at the Hall of Justice, all four villains are now imprisoned right in the middle of the control room. Bizarro tells Superman that they’re in big trouble, and as Superman turns up the Smug-O-Meter, the Hall begins to tremble and shake.

Super Friends! "The Giants of Doom" (part 3 of 5)

Flash and Samurai report the Hall is under attack, which we see on the monitor. Robin intuits it’s Luthor and Brainiac trying to break their buddies out. Green Lantern is left behind to watch the prisoners while the others go after the bad guys. And yes, this is pretty much all we see of Samurai in this episode.

Super Friends! "The Giants of Doom" (part 3 of 5)

Superman flies out of nowhere as the Dynamic Duo, Wonder Woman, Hawkman, Aquaman, Flash, Samurai, and Apache Chief stand outside in front of the Hall.

Super Friends! "The Giants of Doom" (part 3 of 5)

Superman is knocked back by a blast from the ship, and Luthor deploys a “gravity scrambler” just as Batman, Wonder Woman, and Robin move in to attack.

Caption contributed by Ed

Well, what the hell else would you expect a “gravity scrambler” to do?

Green Lantern observes this, announcing that he has to help them. Sinestro exposits out loud that they got themselves captured on purpose, but of course, Lantern is too busy in his own mind to hear any of this. Damn shame, since Sinestro’s power ring is set to fire on a timer, and it blasts our Emerald Avenger right in the head.

Caption contributed by Ed

“Look on the bright side, at least you’re coming off better now than you will when Ryan Reynolds plays you!”

The ring takes over GL’s mind, and Sinestro gets him to release the villains and go outside. Bizarro then puts the elements under a port by the computer, only to have the computer respond that it is programmed to not obey orders from the Legion of Doom.

It turns out Sinestro’s ring can also hypnotize computers (what the fudge?!), and in an amazing display of illogic—and for this show that’s really saying something—it works, and the elements are melded into what looks like a glowing golden aspirin.

Caption contributed by Ed

Needing to boost sales, the folks at Nuprin got desperate… Really desperate.

Bizarro gloats as only he can: incoherently.

Bizarro: Ha, ha, giant ray now ready! Soon we put end to Super Friends and rule world!

Whatever you say, Mongo. Whatever you say.

Ed Harris

A fan of less than great cinema since childhood, Ed divides his time between writing scripts, working an actual paying job and subjecting himself willingly to some of the worst films society has produced.

Multi-Part Article: Super Friends! "The Giants of Doom"

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