Apr 29, 2018
Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Binge-Watching With MoDo Edition
Today’s Sunday Times is still full of basketball sportsball, with stories on both of those games. SPOILER ALERT: your bracket still sucks. SECOND SPOILER ALERT: the NCAA sucks and is nothing but an elaborate way to make money off kids it turns around and ensures can make no money off themselves at that stage in their lives, and also too the NCAA is an insanely locked down promotional machine.
On March 27, before Wisconsin’s game against Baylor, [Wisconsin forward Zach] Bohannon said he was walking onto the court of the Badgers’ closed shootaround with a bottle of Nestlé Pure Life water. He was stopped by a security guard, he said, and told that he could not take that bottle onto the court because it was against N.C.A.A. rules. The issue was resolved by tearing the label off the bottle.
Good to know that the NCAA is there to gatekeep for these young men and make sure they don’t do things like publicly consume the wrong brand of water or see a dime of the billions that the NCAA rakes in each year. Fuckers.
Speaking of gatekeepers, some of you blue-state types can blame your governors for the fact that you cannot partake of sweet sweet legal weed just for funsies, instead having no weed at all or the complicated shenanigans of medical marijuana. The Times runs down what is going on in several states where Dems are worried about being perceived as cotton-headed soft on crime ninnies if they let people smoke dope, but California’s Jerry Brown is way way ahead of the pack in sounding really weird about weed.
“All of a sudden, if there’s advertising and legitimacy, how many people can get stoned and still have a great state or a great nation?” Mr. Brown said in an interview on “Meet the Press” last month. “The world’s pretty dangerous, very competitive. I think we need to stay alert, if not 24 hours a day, more than some of the potheads might be able to put together.”
How about a hat-tip, NYT??? First off, alcohol has been known to cause problems with danger and productivity blah blah blah and second off what the hell makes you think that much of your California workforce is not already being competitive while sometimes getting high? You’re the governor of CALIFORNIA, for fuck’s sake.
Hopefully other states will be coming around to the Colorado unfettered access to weed point of view soon after learning that Colorado could see as much as $100 million in taxes from tokers this year.
Way behind the curve, the NYT has discovered that it kinda sorta totally sucks to be a woman in technology, a field teeming with brogrammers. For real, though, the Times piece really digs in to the low participation rates of women in tech AND the high bailout rate — the fact that many women train for the field, get in the field, and then get the hell out, perhaps because it is a sexist nightmare hellscape. The Times even has some fancy charts and graphs about it. They must have found someone to take care of that since Nate Silver left and took all his toys and graphs with him. Good for you, New York Times.
The Times must have hired a tech beat writer, because they are also totally on top of the trend that sometimes couples use technology and apps to communicate with each other. WHO KNEW?? Most of the article is filled with banality about how people felt closer if they could gChat or FaceTime when one of them was far away, but the real payoff comes when we learn about new apps that will keep you and that special person feeling those close special sexy feelings.
[The application] You & Me […] was created by the founders of the online dating site HowAboutWe [a] dating service [that] started in 2010 and has attracted two million users to date.
But it had a business-model problem. […] The site lost users — and potential customers — once they were in a relationship. “The couples market is huge,” he said. He and his business partner were getting feedback from “couples who had met on the service but couldn’t use it anymore” and decided to build an application “to facilitate communication and interaction.”
We feel you, HowAboutWe. Here at HappyWonkette we lose users when they find Jesus and no longer believe in snark and can’t use it anymore, and then our thought-leadering critical synergy-driven infrastructure reader base shrinks, and we are sad. How are the people at HowAboutWe going to stay relevant when their users pair off?
The new You & Me application lets two people send photographs and voice messages and play a selfie-exchanging game called “Halfsie.”
Forgive us for sounding ancient, but those are things we already do thanks to having a goddamn smart phone and being people of the 21st century, so we’re not sure why there needs to be an app for that, but it will probably go on to make a bazillion dollars while we labor in squalor. And then those rich people will buy yet another historic building in New York and turn it into a rococo nightmare mansion, which is why America can’t have nice things.
A formidable limestone-and-brick building on a historic West Village corner that had been used as a Catholic elementary school, as a nursing school affiliated with St. Vincent’s Hospital, and most recently as a locus for child-abuse and protection services administered by the New York Foundling, one of the city’s oldest charities, is about to enter the market at $47.5 million. […]
Both [proposed interior remodel] versions emphasize luxury on an unapologetically grand scale: a glass elevator serving all levels; a sweeping staircase to the parlor gallery, reception rooms and his-and-hers powder rooms; a sprawling second-floor master suite with his-and-hers baths, two dressing rooms, separate studies, a yoga room, a linen room (because a mere closet would not suffice), and a romantic breakfast nook with an adjoining pantry. The amenities on the lower level include a sauna, gym, home theater, and wine room; on the roof there is a terraced garden with an outdoor kitchen, a Jacuzzi, a dog run and, yes, a canine spa.
Of course there will be a canine spa.
Compared to the idea that some people would spend $47 million for a SINGLE FAMILY HOME, the fact that the Archbishop of Atlanta bought a $2 million abode just makes him look like a piker. Basically, Cool New Austerity Pope made him feel ashamed that he built a giant Tudor pleasure palace with the money of aging parishioners and the unvarnished steely refusal to properly compensate sexual assault victims, so he’s selling it. Pour one out for Archbishop Wilton Gregory.
The “sometimes I get sad at work, please help me” advice column is an utter snoozefest today, but fortunately the etiquette one does not disappoint. There’s a question about the person we all know who makes you buy them things only from their Amazon wish list, rather than letting you roam unfettered, gift-wise, but apparently the writer is acquainted with someone who does this:
She then says that she will buy [the gift she wants] and tell us what we “owe” her ($90 a couple).
That is some brazen gift-asking for sure. We’re not sure whether we are impressed or depressed. There’s also Joni, the snippy lady who does not like those restaurants where people sing at you, oh no she does not.
Our friends chose a restaurant with live music, which turned out to consist of two operatic types bellowing all night. Their voices were an abomination. At one point, the singers came to our table and asked, “What would you like us to sing?” I replied, “I would like you to sing nothing.” My friends were shocked, and my husband was embarrassed.
We’d like to think that the social etiquette guy has been reading yr HappyWonkette, because his response is a very model of snark.
With a knack for making friends and influencing people like yours, Joni, what could possibly go wrong?
We are exhausted, and we still haven’t gotten to the columnists yet and jesus christ none of them took the day off. Mercifully, Maureen Dowd’s is just a trifle, being a recap on her binge-watching “Game of Thrones.” Maureen Dowd, pop culture critic, is every bit as facile as Maureen Dowd, political analyst.
Who wants to cover Chris Christie’s petty little revenge schemes in New Jersey once you’ve seen the gory revenge grandeur of the Red Wedding?
Who wants to see W.’s portraits of leaders once you’re used to King Joffrey putting leaders’ heads on stakes?
Who wants to hear Hillary Clinton complain about a media double standard for women once you’ve gotten accustomed to the win-don’t-whine philosophy of Cersei, Daenerys, Melisandre, Margaery, Ygritte, Brienne and Arya?
Yes, why can’t real life politics involve much more beheadings? And also too dragons. That certainly would be bracing!
Friedman is writing on and on and on until the break of dawn about Israel and how hard-right United States Jews (looking at you, Sheldon Adelson) pose a threat to Israel’s survival by being such hard-line weirdos and are as big a threat as Iran. We’re not sure we quite follow the logic, but we do like that he excoriates Chris Christie for crawling to and cowing before Adelson for having committed the unforgivable sin of saying “occupied territories” which is apparently a thing that people like Adelson do not say. Friedman doesn’t go horribly awry until he gives in to his own worst demons and imagines what people are thinking, if only they thought like Thomas Friedman.
I’m certain that when reports about the “Adelson primary” reached the desk of Supreme Leader Khamenei in Tehran, a big smile crossed his face and he said to his aides: “May Allah grant Sheldon a long life. Everything is going according to plan.”
As long as we’re playing “let’s pretend,” we’ll say that Khamenei then steepled his fingers a la Mr. Burns in “The Simpsons.”
Ross Douthat reminds us that the debate over Obamacare will never ever end, not because Republicans are fixated madmen, but because Obamacare might be successful, or not successful, and also now we have to worry about Medicare. Someone failed to edit out Ross Douthat’s picturesque and moving ending that makes no sense whatsoever.
[O]ur political debates will be consumed by health care because of all that medicine can do for us, and we’ll be arguing about how to sustain what earlier generations would have regarded as a golden age.
But there’s a reason that golden ages can diminish into twilight — because the demands of the present can crowd out the needs of the future, and because what’s required to preserve and sustain is often different, in the end, from what’s required to grow.
On a scale of one to unbearably smug, how smug do we think Douthat was when he wrote that? We’re going with stratospherically smug.
Shit. We just realized that is probably Douthat’s regular level of smug, so we’re going to need to refine our patented SmugScale for next week.