Sting Interrupts 20-Plus-Year Stretch Of Boring Dirges With Lovely Version Of ‘The Old Ship’ On Colbert

Can you put your finger on the very moment your sexxxy love for Sting turned to revulsion at his pretentious bullshit? Was it Fields Of Gold? Was it that Jaguar ad? Was it that noodle-jazz-dirge version of “Roxanne” at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Yes. Yes it was. It was all of them, Katie.

We may be in the minority on this, having been a high school girl when “Nothing Like the Sun” came out. Maybe you all thought he was already boring by then. BUT WE DID NOT. That would come later, with the intrepid adventure into his navel that was “Fields Of Gold.” Here, remember this? We were 14. It was fun! It was sexy! We, like Grace Jones and Adam Ant, WILL TAKE IT!

Then the sadness came.

Here, have a bullshit Jaguar ad, because Sting obviously needed the money.

Now have a bullshit Rock and Roll Hall of Fame dirgey noodle.

Those were awful! Right? Yes! They were!

Yet here is Sting, on last night’s Colbert, playing the lovely “The Last Ship” from his new album of the same name (which is also going to be a Broadway play on which we have no opinion). It has a bit of “The Secret Marriage Vow” to it, in that it sounds like he’s taken something very very old and loved up all over it, annoying-Tantra-style.

What is that style of music? Celtic? We do not fucking know. We do not fucking care. It is beautiful.

Here’s “The Last Ship” in its entirety, from PBS. We have not watched it. Maybe it’s terrible! Maybe it’s not! If you have no job or place to be today, and you do not hate Sting, maybe you could watch it and septuple our average time on site, and let us know in the comments, because Lisa and I ain’t got time for that.

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  • Ambignostic

    For me, Sting has gone back and forth over the revulsion-at-pretentious-bullshit line ever since Dream of the Blue Turtles. Liked “Russians” (due mainly to the Lt. Kije quote), hated “7th Wave” (except for the possible shout out to Opus’s version of “Every Breath You Take”).But I actually love “Fields of Gold,” maybe because I only own Eva Cassidy’s version.Has he always looked like Malcom McDowell? Because old Sting looks like old Malcom. Might be the haircut.

    • SullivanSt

      Probably the haircut. Floppy-haired Sting did not look like Malcolm.

      • Charles Wolf

        Malcom did not look like Malcom in Clockwork Orange.

  • msanthropesmr

    Is that a Tintin sweater?

  • SullivanSt

    It’s English folk – it’s a bit weird hearing Sting letting his Geordie accent through, didn’t know he still had it, he’s been living in the opposite corner of England for decades after all.BTW I cannot join you in your dislike of Fields of Gold, because I grew up near those fields. Also, Shape of my Heart is a great song, plus I love the movie Leon (I believe you damned yanks called it The Professional)

  • SullivanSt

    Worst thing about that Jag commercial? It was for the awful Ford-era S-type, which was definitely a major low point for the brand.Thing to remember about the Hall of Fame performance is that it was the first time they’d played as The Police in 17 years. Of course it wasn’t going to be good.

  • kunochan
    • rebecca

      oh, that’s beautiful. I’m sad I didn’t write it.

  • Annie Towne

    His music for the movie Cold Mountain was beautiful, and very much in the proper Appalachian vein. Jack White did good work in that, too.

  • Vienna Woods

    Hey. I love “Fields of Gold”.

  • James Donnaught

    If he hadn’t already been famous via The Police, nobody would be complaining about Sting’s later work. (And he wouldn’t have been paid to do a Jaguar ad.) Sting is Sting, and he’s talented enough to do his own thing and have it sound good — often, it’s very good indeed.