Stephen Colbert Has Plan To Help Congresscritter Steve King Figure Out If You're Really Gay: Send Hot Gay Pix

Last night’s Colbert Report brought us news that it is high time we learn how to figure out if someone is really gay-gay or just pretending to be gay, which is a thing that Steve King (R-Clueless) worries about on the regular. King is worried that since being gay is a “self-professed” kind of thing, there are probably legions of straight people that will go into businesses and pretend to be gay, all in order to get a sweet sweet lawsuit going.

Colbert documents the entire lifecycle of the fake gay, from faking your gay through high school all the way up to faking your gay engagement, your very existence pointing to the one shining moment you get to go into a flower shop, fake come out, and demand floral services, which is all hetero guys ever want to do anyway.

Did we mention Steve King is super worried about this, because of how gayness isn’t immutable and you just can’t ever tell for sure about the gay? Fortunately, Colbert has King’s back, and has asked the homosexuals of America to help King out by providing independent verification of their gayness by sending King hot homo flixx and pix proving you are not fake gay.

Colbert even thoughtfully provides King’s Congressional address to facilitate your quick dispatch of 9 Inches Uncut or whatever you call your gay home movies. Get on it!

TV Show: The Colbert Report

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  • KittySoft Paws Rolufs

    Isn’t Steve King the same douche canoe that thinks dog and cock fighting are totally ok because humans box and MMA and animls are no better than humans?

    • peteywheats

      That’s the douche.

  • Marceline

    I can’t lie. I was totally hoping that if the law passed straight people (preferably ethnic minorities) would start making out in businesses then sue the hell out of them.

  • lesterthegiantape

    This is ingenious. Much like the flooding of New Orleans during debutante season, I suspect a lot of King’s staffers are going to be draining their balls for weeks.

    • lesterthegiantape

      Wow, you could read that two ways, now that I look at it. I didn’t mean anything vulgar.

  • Ellis_Weiner

    Remember that thing last week that I said was the greatest thing in all the world? That was then. THIS is the greatest thing in all the world NOW.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I call my home movies The Bitter Tears of Gayer Than Thou, but I can send other people’s home movies.

  • kindness

    9 inch? What? Did 2″ fall off or something?

  • Dragoon21b

    So…religion can’t be willfully changed? Catholicism…Why can’t I quit you

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    This post was deleted.