May 1, 2020
Star Trek: Voyager “Threshold” (part 7 of 7)
After this brain-bustingly idiotic scene, there’s a shot of Voyager, with a log entry from Chakotay. Like most log entries in the final five minutes of a Trek episode, this one exists purely to wrap things up as quickly as possible, and usher us right back into the status quo just in time for the next episode.
And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more preposterous, Chakotay declares that they’ve decided to leave the “offspring” of Janeway and Paris “in their new habitat”. Speech. Less.
Doesn’t this… I mean, wouldn’t this have huge biological ramifications for… I mean… The violations of the Prime Directive alone would… And *snap*. Pardon me, but I’ve gone to my happy place now.
Down in Sick Bay, the Doctor has already restored Janeway and Paris to their normal selves. Just like that! But he wants them both to remain there for three days.
There’s really nothing they can do or say in these final minutes that would even register in anyone’s minds after the absurdity of that last scene. But they go through with it anyway. Janeway goes over to Paris and says, “I’ve thought about having children. But I must say I never considered having them with you.” Har har! All in a day’s work, right, Captain? Paris doesn’t remember initiating the “uh…”—that’s what he calls it, “uh…”—but we all know what he really means: Hot, freaky salamander love.
She hepburns, “What makes you think it was your idea? Sometimes it’s the female of a species that initiates mating!” That species being… human. Right? I mean, they didn’t become some other species, did they? They just supposedly “evolved” into some higher form of human life. Didn’t they? Did anybody proofread this script? Or were they too busy vomiting after reading the last scene?