Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) (part 4 of 13)
Meanwhile, Bad Teeth Guy is leading a herd of a few dozen drooling morons as they march, in a manner of speaking, toward Paradise City. Not-Connery gallops alongside them. I’m thinking this might be bad news for our noble ambassadors. Unfortunately for them, they’re about to be taken by surprise, since Mr. Shatner has them too busy explaining their backstories to notice there’s a rebellion under way.
Romulan Star Search Chick earnestly explains to the other ambassadors—because they might not already know—that 20 years ago their three governments agreed, despite their mutual hostility, to develop this planet together, signaling a “new age”. And there’s a serious problem with this scenario, in terms of the elsewhere-established continuity of Romulan/Federation contact. Which I’m not even getting into, just because I love you, reader, and wish to spare you pain, and because the latest Star Trek movie has wiped all that out anyway, giving future movies the freedom to make all-new mistakes.
But Talbot counter-infodumps that the settlers they “conned” into coming to Nimbus III were the dregs of the galaxy, and immediately began fighting with each other. And I can’t help but imagine the Federation Council spamming everyone in the galaxy with offers of free vacations on Nimbus III in exchange for just a brief, five-hour timeshare pitch.
Talbot continues glumly: When the commissioners prohibited weapons, the settlers made their own. So what are the rules for this Dueling Infodumps game, anyway? Is this like Trivial Pursuit? Do you win pies? Big, indigestible, incompetently baked pies?
And speaking of the settlers’ weapons, guess what, Romulan Star Search Chick? You’re about to see them first hand, and from the wrong end! Not-Connery’s pathetic little army storms the city, throwing down the gates and surrounding the main buildings.
And in an extra-meaningful touch, Mr. Shatner shows us the word PARADISE inscribed in the entranceway arch, where someone has painted the word LOST. Wow, that’s really extra-meaningful. It’s almost as if they’re saying that calling something “paradise” doesn’t actually make it so—in fact, it might even become the very opposite of that! What rich irony, indeed.
Not-Connery enters the cantina, and I can’t help but notice that his hair is now swept down over his ears, so that just like our other new friend Romulan Star Search Chick, Laurence Luckinbill is spared having to wear the Spock-ear appliances for many of his scenes going forward.
Not-Connery informs the ambassadors that they’re his prisoners. Talbot snarks that they’re already prisoners on this forsaken planet, but Romulan Star Search Chick haughtily warns Not-Connery that their three governments are certain to come to their rescue. Not-Connery says he’s counting on it. Ooh, I think Not-Connery has some sort of plan.