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Mister T “Fortune Cookie Caper” (part 1 of 8)
May 23, 2006
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) (part 1 of 13)
The Cast of Characters:
Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner). So badass, his idea of a vacation is to climb a sheer rock face with no safety equipment. Despite this, utterly fails to stop his beloved Enterprise from being taken over by a wide-eyed Vulcan mystic and the most motley band of pathetic defectives in Star Trek history.
Captain Spock (Leonard Nimoy). Kirk’s BFF. Based on this movie alone, neither clever nor proactive, leading us to suspect that Kirk keeps him around mainly because he owns a pair of rocket boots. Has never heard of marshmallows. If goaded, may reluctantly sing campfire songs.
Dr. Leonard McCoy (DeForest Kelley). Kirk’s other best friend. Special skill: derisive muttering. Also possesses a secret recipe for baked beans. Truth in advertising disclaimer: Though billed as a doctor, performs no medical services whatsoever.
Sybok (Laurence Luckinbill). The Vulcans’ answer to Dr. Phil. Takes over the Enterprise using the power of positive thinking. Obsessed with meeting God, presumably so he can book him for his talk show. Also, Spock’s brother [citation needed].
Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner). So badass, his idea of a vacation is to climb a sheer rock face with no safety equipment. Despite this, utterly fails to stop his beloved Enterprise from being taken over by a wide-eyed Vulcan mystic and the most motley band of pathetic defectives in Star Trek history.Captain Spock (Leonard Nimoy). Kirk’s BFF. Based on this movie alone, neither clever nor proactive, leading us to suspect that Kirk keeps him around mainly because he owns a pair of rocket boots. Has never heard of marshmallows. If goaded, may reluctantly sing campfire songs.Dr. Leonard McCoy (DeForest Kelley). Kirk’s other best friend. Special skill: derisive muttering. Also possesses a secret recipe for baked beans. Truth in advertising disclaimer: Though billed as a doctor, performs no medical services whatsoever.Sybok (Laurence Luckinbill). The Vulcans’ answer to Dr. Phil. Takes over the Enterprise using the power of positive thinking. Obsessed with meeting God, presumably so he can book him for his talk show. Also, Spock’s brother [citation needed].Star Trek V: Oh God Shatner’s Directing may be one of the most fan-bashed science fiction movies this side of the Star Wars prequels. Upon its release 20 years ago this month, Trek-lovers emerged reeling from the theaters in a depressed, confused, and conflicted state, unsure whether to give in to anger, nausea, or hilarious incredulity.
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Mark "Scooter" Wilson
Mark is a history guy, a graphics guy, a guy for whom wryly cynical assessments of popular culture are the scallion cream cheese on the toasted everything bagel of life. He spends his time teaching modern history at Brooklyn College, pondering the ancient Romans at the CUNY Graduate Center, and conjuring maps and illustrations for ungrateful bankers at various Manhattan monoliths. Readers are welcome to guess at reasons why he's nicknamed Scooter, with the proviso that all such submissions are guaranteed to be rather more interesting than the truth. Mark lives in the Midwood section of Brooklyn with a happy-go-lucky, flop-eared dog named Chiyo who is probably, at this very moment, waiting patiently for her walkies.
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