Feb 13, 2019
Star Trek “And the Children Shall Lead...” (part 3 of 5)
As Kirk and Spock watch the recording of Prof. Starnes, the turbolift doors swish open, and Tommy emerges, escorted by a Redshirt security guard. Okay, what? Why would the security guard bring Tommy to the bridge? Yeah, I know. The kids are probably now “controlling” the crew just like Jon Voight asked them to, but that certainly was abrupt.
Anyway, Tommy sees Kirk and Spock watching his father’s log entry. He then begins pumping his fist up and down, and it’s a gesture that, to put it mildly, is definitely open to other interpretations. Interpretations along the lines of, say, “doing the five-knuckle shuffle”. Or “shaking the snake”. Or “jerking the turkey”. Or “dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters”. Or “tenderizing the tube steak”. Or “polishing the purple people pleaser”. If you get what I mean. And if not, I’ve got plenty more where those came from.
Anyway, we hear the sound effect of the Six Million Dollar Man running, and suddenly Dr. Starnes’ log entry dissolves into static. (Scrambled adult channels… of the future!) Spock starts randomly pushing buttons on his console, but he has no idea what just went wrong. Kirk turns around and Tommy’s like, right in his face. Tommy asks Kirk to take them to Marcus XII, claiming he has relatives there. Kirk says Marcus XII isn’t in their “patrol area” and that they’ll be taken to a Federation Starbase instead.
Then comes an exchange of dialogue rife with innuendo. Or at least, in my own sick mind it’s rife with innuendo. Kirk turns to Spock and says, “We’ll pursue this in my quarters!” Oh, will they? Tommy asks, “Can I stay here and watch?” Oh boy, I’m not touching that one. He then promises, “I’ll be very quiet!” But maybe Kirk wants you to make a little noise, Tommy. Kirk, for no reason really, allows Tommy to just hang out on the bridge while he and Spock head for the turbolift. And, as we all know, letting an annoying kid hang out on the bridge is a gesture that would later become known as “The Picard Maneuver”.