Jan 24, 2019
Star Trek (TAS) “Once Upon a Planet” (part 4 of 5)
Kirk says the planet is playing cat and mouse with them. Uh-oh, bad turn of phrase there, Jim…
You know you’re desperate when you are ripping off the Original Series episode “Catspaw”. I think even its writer Robert Bloch admits that episode sucked. Spock says everyone should beware of the cat’s claws. File that one under “duh”. The science officer also points out their very thoughts can be used against them, and they should be wary of what they’re thinking. It’s at this point that I would probably start thinking of Page 3 models Lucy Pinder and Keeley Hazell jello wrestling.
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Kirk points out no one was thinking of those dinosaurs earlier. No one that will admit to it, anyway. Uhura, watching from the control room, begs the computer to call off his attack, and asks why he’s doing all this. The computer says he’s too busy to explain, and we cut to the Enterprise. The ship goes wild, and shaky cam-ensues!
Arex manages to cut in manual override, and things return to normal. Scotty orders up a printout of the latest computer orders. M’Ress points out a whole new series of maneuvers would have been carried out if Arex hadn’t done the manual override thing. Scotty quickly figures out from the list that the planet is getting a feel for how the Enterprise works. Cue dramatic music!
Kirk provides a supplemental log… and I just wonder who he’s saying it to. I mean, it’s something that was used all the time on the Original Series, but now, I gotta wonder: is he recording this somehow? Is he just saying it out loud to the others in the cave? It’s being spoken in present tense, so it’s not like we’re getting a reading from a log entry made later. Expository dialogue is all well and good, but sometimes it just doesn’t make any sense.
He points out how this once friendly planet has become very dangerous. See my earlier comments regarding murder, attempted murder, and assault, and tell me just how god damn friendly this planet is.
Sulu points out the giant cat is gone, and Spock comes up with a plan. He points out how last time McCoy was mortally wounded, and that he must have been transported underground to be “repaired”, but when asked, Bones can’t remember any details.
Kirk catches on to Spock’s plan; if one of them can fake being seriously hurt, then maybe they can get one of them into the bowels of the planet. It’s a great plan… if your enemy wasn’t able to read minds. But McCoy whips out some drugs from his bag of tricks and shoots Spock up to fake a terminal illness. Spock turns a weird shade of yellow and collapses outside the cave. Would I be considered a bad person if I think it would have been hilarious if the giant cat had been hiding just outside the cave and pounced on him?
Amazingly enough, the plan works. I guess I can attribute it to the computer being busy trying to hack the Enterprise and not really caring about the humans. Good thing these primitive 23rd Century computers can’t do two things at once, huh?
Speaking of that other thing, on the Enterprise, the gravity cuts off, and everyone goes floating up.
Gee, if only they had some sort of device that could keep them in their seats, a… belt of some kind…
Back down on the planet, a section of mountain opens up, and a robot comes out to collect Spock.
Then it slips back inside. Kirk makes a dash and slips in before the mountain door closes, leaving too-slow Sulu and McCoy outside. But hey, it’s okay, because they now have their own adventure!
Take it from a long time Dungeons & Dragons player: you never split up the party. Bad shit like this happens all the time.