Star Trek: Generations (1994) (part 8 of 12)

After Soran provides the plot point that “time has no meaning” in the Nexus, we go back to the sisters, who are still watching Geordicam footage and starting to get tremendously bored. In a good movie, Geordi’s dithering would turn out to be part of a plan—the camera was found and Geordi is just messing with the villains, going to the barber shop, watching porn, etc.—but this movie isn’t that sharp.

Helga gripes that he’s just been wandering around and that “He must be the only engineer in Starfleet who doesn’t go to Engineering!” Well, naturally. If your only function is to follow Data around and occasionally hold the blowtorch while he fucks with his own head, then yeah, that’s gonna be a problem.

On the Enterprise, Worf is having trouble locating Picard. Riker asks Data to see if he can help. Happy as a clam now that Geordi’s okay, Data pauses to say, “I just love scanning for life forms!” He then sings an idiotic little ditty while punching blipping buttons on his console as though it were a keyboard, while the entire bridge crew pulls WTF faces.

I would imagine audiences had a similar reaction.

Data: Life forms / you tiny little life forms / you precious little life forms / where are you?

Oy. Are we sure it was an emotion chip he had installed, and not the electronic equivalent of a Bahama Mama and a couple of Vicodin? Something tells me Dr. Crusher cleared him for duty as some sick form of revenge on Data for the boat thing earlier, although it would make more sense as revenge on the bridge crew that has to work with him.

Caption contributed by Ed

The crew realizes slipping Data that mickey wasn’t the best idea in the world.

Seriously, this goes beyond bad comedy and into the realm of just plain weirdness for the sake of being weird. I guess the writers thought it would be funny to have Data, who’s new at the whole emotion thing, go to town with being happy about being happy. But to watch this is to have to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not having some sort of hallucination, while feeling your upper lip curl involuntarily in revulsion.

Of course, one of the screenwriters of this thing also thinks that humans will eventually evolve into really big salamanders. So it’s possible there are some disconnected brain synapses at work here.

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Ed Harris

A fan of less than great cinema since childhood, Ed divides his time between writing scripts, working an actual paying job and subjecting himself willingly to some of the worst films society has produced.

Multi-Part Article: Star Trek: Generations (1994)

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