Star Trek: Generations (1994) (part 2 of 12)

Harriman obsequiously asks Kirk if he’d like to give the order to move the ship forward. The press of course is right up in Kirk’s face for this heroic moment. Kirk is actually a little chagrined, since he’s not exactly wrestling a minotaur here, but he gives the order to a huge round of applause—which Harriman joins in on. Yeah, I’m beginning to think Harriman got the job of captain American Idol style.

Actually, can I officially refuse to acknowledge him as the captain? No? Okay then, fine. But seriously, every second that goes by in this scene makes it literally unbelievable that this idiot could have even gotten through Starfleet Academy, much less risen through the ranks to the level of Captain.

As a point of comparison, consider that Harry Kim from Voyager, despite being useless, still displayed ten times as much backbone, initiative, and resolve as Harriman on a regular basis, and he was stuck as a Permanent Ensign for the entire run of the show.

I was actually wondering if this idiot got command of the Excelsiorprise because he had some influential daddy who pulled strings to stuff him into a job he’d never have gotten otherwise. And guess what—it turns out the folks who write officially sanctioned Trek fiction for a living agree with me! But the American Idol explanation also works.

Scotty and Chekov take turns ribbing Kirk about his mighty deed, as the ship moves out in a majestic fashion. We rejoin Kirk and company after they’ve had a full tour of the ship. They’re complementary, naturally, and if something doesn’t happen soon, I’m going to start getting bored. You don’t want to see that, believe me. At least the NextGen movies are carrying on the fine Trek tradition of forcing us to watch the leads dicking around and doing nothing plot-related for the entire first reel.

Ever suddenly yearn to have a MST3k host segment thrown into one of these recaps? I’ll do the “Joey the Lemur” song. Don’t tempt me.

At last! An emergency! A distress call suddenly comes in and Harriman, the captain of the fricking Enterprise, freezes like a deer caught in the headlights. Because of a distress call. Hmm, maybe my American Idol joke was being too generous. Maybe he found a golden ticket in a box of Cracker Jacks, or whatever the hell they have in the 23rd century. There’s being new to the job, and then there’s this doofus. It’s a wonder he can tie his own shoes without asking for help and guidance. The worst part is, this is only the beginning. It gets worse.

Caption contributed by Ed

“Captain Harriman, I’m getting a subspace message for you from Starfleet Command. It says ‘You’re a weenie’.”

I really want to see the tapes of Harriman’s Kobayashi Maru test. He must have pissed all over the entire simulator.

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Ed Harris

A fan of less than great cinema since childhood, Ed divides his time between writing scripts, working an actual paying job and subjecting himself willingly to some of the worst films society has produced.

Multi-Part Article: Star Trek: Generations (1994)

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