Star Trek: Deep Space Nine “Let He Who Is Without Sin...” (part 4 of 7)

Dax tells Worf to go put on his bathing suit so they can swim in the lagoon. The next thing we see is Worf in his room, holding up a pair of tiny, gold lamé shorts. Thanks guys, I can already feel the vomit rising in the back of my throat.

Caption contributed by Albert

“They dishonor me by again mixing up my luggage with Donald Trump!”

He grimaces and the door chimes. In walks a guy in a brown coat who looks like Cliff Robertson after somebody smacked him in the face with the Bland and Uninteresting Stick. (Played by Monte Markham. I have no clue who this guy is, but apparently some people do, even though the most notable item I see on his filmography is a regular role on Baywatch.)

“I hope I’m not disturbing you, Lt. Commander,” he says, and with his delivery, I almost expect his next line to be because you’ve just won ten million dollars courtesy of Publisher’s Clearing House! He reveals his name is “Pascal Fullerton”, a name that I think the writers came up with by throwing darts at a computer science textbook and a map of Orange County, respectively.

Caption contributed by Albert

“Greetings, Mr. Worf! Are you ready to play… The Joker’s Wild?”

He calls himself the “chairman” of “the New Essentialists Movement”. Which totally sounds like a funk ensemble from Chicago with about thirty horn players on stage at one time. And come to think of it, for some reason bands like that always have at least one member, usually the drummer, whose nickname is “The Chairman”.

Anyway, every movement’s got a goal, and the New Essentialists Movement is no exception. The Essentialists are keen on “restoring the moral and cultural traditions of the Federation.” He’s got a “statement of [their] principles” with him in the form of an e-padd tablet, and he hands it to Worf, and I get it, it’s just like Jehovah’s Witnesses handing out copies of the Watchtower, get it? Or members of whatever lunatic Christian sect that gives out Jack Chick tracts that say all Muslims are going to hell, get it?

To read the rest of this article, support the Agony Booth on Patreon.
This is an archived post. This post is available to patrons who pledge at least $5 on Patreon. Pledging this amount gives access to all archived articles on the Agony Booth.

Click “Unlock with Patreon” to sign up with Patreon or to log in with your existing Patreon account.
Already a qualifying Patreon member? Refresh to access this content.
Multi-Part Article: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine "Let He Who Is Without Sin..."

You may also like...