Nov 5, 2019
Awesome Manly Sportsball Sportscaster Guys Know Paternity Leave Is For Pussies
Sometimes, the level of douchenozzle that comes with being a sportsball sportscaster guy is breathtaking. Take WFAN’s Mike Francesa, who is the maddest of all that baseball-flavored sportsball player Daniel Murphy, who plays for the New York Mets, got a whopping TWO GAMES OFF because his wife had a baby.
OUTFUCKINGRAGEOUS. Everybody knows that real men don’t need to take even one second off, because having the baby is the wife’s job, fellas.
I don’t know why you need three days off. I’m gonna be honest. You see the birth and you get back. What are you doing the first couple of days? Maybe you take care of the other kids? You gotta have someone do that if you’re a Major League Baseball player. I’m sorry, you do. Because your wife doesn’t need your help the first couple of days. You know that. You’re not doing much those first couple of days with the baby that was just born.
Bonding with babies is for pussies and wimps. Real men just ignore the kid until he’s old enough to play catch or drive to the store and buy his old man cigarettes.
Lest you think that Francesa is an outlier, let’s go check out Boomer Esiason over at CBS Sports Radio. Esiason is an ex-football player so he kicks it up a notch.
Quite frankly, I would have said ‘C-section before the season starts, I need to be at opening day. I’m sorry. This is what makes our money. This is how we’re going to live our life. This is going to give my child every opportunity to be a success in life. I’ll be able to afford to send my child to any college I want to because I’m a baseball player.’
This from a dude that was paid kazillions for a job that actually only has 16 games per year on the schedule. (Yes, yes we know there’s training and all that. We may not care all that much about sportsball schedules but we’re not idiots.)
We can’t believe we’re having to stand up for the MLB policy that gives players a stunning 1-3 games off when a kid is born — a policy only in effect because there’s a players’ union that fought for it — because that is an astonishingly stupidly low amount of time off. But we’ll defend it to the death against grown men who have nicknames like “Boomer” and are probably literally the worst dads ever.