Awesome Manly Sportsball Sportscaster Guys Know Paternity Leave Is For Pussies

Sometimes, the level of douchenozzle that comes with being a sportsball sportscaster guy is breathtaking. Take WFAN’s Mike Francesa, who is the maddest of all that baseball-flavored sportsball player Daniel Murphy, who plays for the New York Mets, got a whopping TWO GAMES OFF because his wife had a baby.

OUTFUCKINGRAGEOUS. Everybody knows that real men don’t need to take even one second off, because having the baby is the wife’s job, fellas.

I don’t know why you need three days off. I’m gonna be honest. You see the birth and you get back. What are you doing the first couple of days? Maybe you take care of the other kids? You gotta have someone do that if you’re a Major League Baseball player. I’m sorry, you do. Because your wife doesn’t need your help the first couple of days. You know that. You’re not doing much those first couple of days with the baby that was just born.

Bonding with babies is for pussies and wimps. Real men just ignore the kid until he’s old enough to play catch or drive to the store and buy his old man cigarettes.

Lest you think that Francesa is an outlier, let’s go check out Boomer Esiason over at CBS Sports Radio. Esiason is an ex-football player so he kicks it up a notch.

Quite frankly, I would have said ‘C-section before the season starts, I need to be at opening day. I’m sorry. This is what makes our money. This is how we’re going to live our life. This is going to give my child every opportunity to be a success in life. I’ll be able to afford to send my child to any college I want to because I’m a baseball player.’

This from a dude that was paid kazillions for a job that actually only has 16 games per year on the schedule. (Yes, yes we know there’s training and all that. We may not care all that much about sportsball schedules but we’re not idiots.)

We can’t believe we’re having to stand up for the MLB policy that gives players a stunning 1-3 games off when a kid is born — a policy only in effect because there’s a players’ union that fought for it — because that is an astonishingly stupidly low amount of time off. But we’ll defend it to the death against grown men who have nicknames like “Boomer” and are probably literally the worst dads ever.


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  • Belphebe

    Baseball is a team sport so I can see where a key player missing a game is a big deal. I think a player choosing to miss games because of his children is a pretty empowering message that Murphy and the Mets are sending about the importance of fatherhood. I hope that there are some positive voices out there as well.

    • Barry Schwartz

      If Koufax can miss Game One of the World Series for Yom Kippur, it’s really _not_ that big a deal. It’s just a _baseball game_. It’s not World War III.

      • Belphebe

        good point.

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  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Your wife doesn’t need any help. She’s probably doing jumping-jacks while breastfeeding.

  • Arcturus

    In fairness, Boomer probably took quite a few shots to the old gulliver when he was playing… want some great hair-hurting irony from Wikipedia? Boomer got a “Father of the Year” award from Salon in 2009. Fathers of the Year DEMAND timely c-sections!

  • Barry Schwartz

    How do these guys feel about Sandy Koufax and Art Shamsky missing games for Yom Kippur. (Shamsky skipped a doubleheader, and Koufax skipped pitching Game One of the freaking OMG World Series for Yom Kippur!)

  • kfreed

    I didn’t need another reason to dislike sports. Watching sports mostly bores me to tears as it is.These days, though, I’m even less impressed with the bahavior of people who don’t actually play the sports, but have much to say about the people who do and furthermore engage in endless opinionating about what the people who actually play sports ought to be doing with their personal lives. Sportscasters, in particular, are even more boring than the sports themselves, imho. And the fans… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz – squared.So long as they’re not going all rape-crazy on us, serial murding people, torturing animals, or pillaging villages, I’m good.And fellas, it takes two to make the baby so you might want to contribute to the having/raising of the babies. Don’t care how important to the rest of the world you think you are.