Sportsball Player Darren Sharper: Magically, Rape Isn’t Rape If You Don’t Say The Word ‘Rape’

Sportsball Player Darren Sharper: Magically, Rape Isn't Rape If You Don't Say The Word 'Rape'

Have you been trying to sort out the complex distinction between Whoopi Goldberg’s “rape rape” and Todd Akin’s “legtimate rape” and plain old rape? Well now here is Very Famous Allegedly Rapey Former NFL Sportsball Player Darren Sharper to make this even more nonsensical: he was having some good old non-consensual sex but that isn’t actually rape, duh.

A New Orleans police report says that Sharper, who is charged with drugging and raping two women in Louisiana, told a witness that he and buddy Erik Nunez had “non-consensual” sex with two women last September. […] [T]he not-so-subtle nuance has already been used in defense of Nunez who was charged with two counts of aggravated rape and booked on Friday morning in Louisiana. As Nunez attorney’s astutely notes, “The word ‘rape’ did not occur.”

Kudos to Nunez’ attorney for making an argument that is both absurd on its face AND scummy. That is quite a feat! As long as your client never ever says the thing he is charged with, he is free to go. True fact.

Also kudos to Darren Sharper for really going all in on being an ALLEGED rapist, with charges or investigations now pending in California, Arizona, Nevada, and Florida.

Seriously, dude gets around.

A hearing will be held in Los Angeles on Friday on efforts to extradite Sharper to New Orleans to face aggravated rape charges. Police suspect him of raping nine women in five states since September: two in New Orleans, two in Arizona, two in Los Angeles, two in Las Vegas and one in Miami.

Man, that is almost Bill Cosby-esque levels of allegations of sexual assault.

Sharper’s attorneys didn’t want to be outdone by the terribleness of Nunez’ attorney, so they’ve requested the most absurd bail conditions ever.

His attorneys have requested bail and posted $1 million “under the conditions that he not go to nightclubs and not be alone with any women he didn’t know prior to Oct. 30, the date of the first alleged incident in Los Angeles.”

That is some tough on crime shit right there. You can only know ladies you knew in the quite recent past and have maybe/maybe not raped and you cannot go to nightclubs.

That is totally going to prevent Darren Sharper from ALLEGEDLY raping any more women because everyone knows real rapes only start in nightclubs with ladies you just met. Maybe check in with Todd Akin, though, just to be sure.

[USA Today/Jezebel]

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  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Thankfully, he’s retired. I’d hate to think of what allegations like this might do to his draft stock.

  • PubOption

    The Sharper Image is not a good one.

  • docterry6973

    But he isn’t gay, right? Cause that would disrupt the delicate emotional balance of the Sacred Locker Room.

  • superlizzard

    jeez… and they say rape culture isn’t real… hello, jackass, “non-connsentual sex”: is rape! that’s the fucking defintion of the word, asshole!…… gaaaahhh >:/

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  • IDreamOfNinja

    Sharper will enjoy plenty of non-consensual sex in prison, as well. And no one will knock him out with a roofie, either, so he’ll be really present for each wonderful moment.