Feb 2, 2021
I am sorry we used to send you death threats, former MTV VJ Adam Curry
You all hear about this dumb idiot 14-year-old Dutch girl who’s been arrested for tweeting funny bomb threats to American Airlines?
The article continues after these advertisements...
First, she was all racist, like, “I am Ibrahim and I love Al Qaeda and also bombing shit,” and then she thought she could “block” the FBI on Twitter. Oh man, what a dumb idiot!
But was she joking, and was it simultaneously her friend not her? Sure, why not.
Sarah, keep it together! Or at least “block” the FBI from following you on Twitter.
Whew, that should do it. Okay, good job everyone!
Oh yeah, and now Sarah has been arrested by Rotterdam police after she and a family member moseyed on down to be like IT WAS ME SORRY SO SORRY OH RIGHT ALSO IT WASN’T ME IT WAS MY FRIEND.
So, the Dutch police are interviewing her, and will doubtless just scare her real good and she will leave a chastened and wiser girl, and they will not even send her to Gitmo probably, even though she like totes deserves it.
But while we can all recognize that that girl is a Dumb Idiot, well, did you happen to notice the headline up there?
Yeah, my friends and I used to send Adam Curry, MTV VJ, death threats. On paper. Through the United States Mail. Signed, and with our return address. I don’t remember why, but looking at that picture up top, I am guessing it had to do with his Richard Marx hair. I also seem to remember being outraged by his leather jackets? Not because they were leather, either, but … just because? He was a phony fucking leather-jacket-wearing poseur who needed us to murder him?
Also, I know for a fact that when we called him a poseur, we included that Frenchified “u.” Does that make a death threat from 14-year-old girls more or less scary?
Sorry we told you we were going to murder you, Adam Curry. We wouldn’t have actually done it.
I am guessing nobody from MTV ever bothered to open our letters, even though they were addressed in eye-catching purple Magic Marker, probably.
Everybody, if you have a 14-year-old girl, go see what she is doing right now. Also, take away all computers. And pens.
Now here’s the part of the story where instead of locking up your teenager, which you should, you will have to punch your own self in the face:
In looking up Adam Curry to steal that image for this post, I discovered Adam Curry, after MTV, was one of the first people to start using websites—he’s the one who registered MTV.com—and was in early on web portals and hosting.
By 2005, he’d sold one company, started at least two more failed ones, and that year was ordered by a judge to return $250 million he’d taken from one of his businesses.
Adam Curry’s companies—even failed ones—made so much money he was able to loot one for hundreds of millions of dollars.
That still doesn’t mean we should have threatened to kill him though, I’m almost positively sure.