Mar 28, 2017
Sorry Ladies, But You Are Terrible Hairy Beasts Who Cannot Handle Double Thick Burgers
We won’t be happy if we have to make Terrible Ads By Terrible People For Terrible Products a regular thing at Happy, but with today’s bumper crop of awful, we may head that way. Today we learn that ladies turn into dudes if they don’t shave, but that’s cool because only dudes can eat burgers.
First up, Veet. Veet, if you are not familiar, used to be called Neet, and it is pretty much a cut-rate Nair. Remember Nair?
Now you will have that jingle stuck in your head all day.
So all of these are a type of hair removal cremes that does something chemically complicated and melts the hair off your skin instead of shaving the hair off your skin or tearing the hair off your skin or lasering the hair off your skin. So many ways to get that pesky hair off your body, ladies!
What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, Veet. Veet has some new ads out and they are seriously christ on a cracker godawful bits of sludge about how if you only shave instead of melting the hair off your legs, you will get stubble the next day, and then you will be a dude, and your dude will be sad and freaked out that you are now a big hairy man.
Are you done LOLing to death with the sheer funny of that? Ladies, are you running out to get your legs silky smooth THIS VERY SECOND so you don’t grow a penis along with all that body hair? We thought so!
Now, if you decide to just keep on being a big old hairy dude, there is an upside, because then and only then can you eat an enormous drippy burger from Carl’s Jr.
Yes, ladies, you may be Mystique, a sexy shape-shifting star of X-Men: Days of Future Past, but please turn into a dude before you eat this pile of meat, because ladies can’t handle all that bacon, amirite?
So what’s it gonna, be, wimminz? Smooth legs and no burger, or hairy manliness all over so you can get some Carl’s Jr? Choose arbitrarily, because either way you lose.