Solange Tries To Kick Jay-Z’s Ass And Breaks America’s Heart In The Process

You might as well call it a day, work-wise and internet surfing-wise, because all everyone’s doing is freaking out about the “Beyonce’s sister Solange tries to beat up Jay-Z in an elevator” video that TMZ posted.

Yes, that’s a grainy as fuck elevator security cam video made all the more unclear by the giant TMZ watermark slapped across the entire screen, but TMZ also provided a helpful blow-by-blow. Heh.

In the video … Jay Z, Beyonce and Solange step into the elevator … and then Solange goes crazy, screaming at Jay before unleashing a violent attack.

A large man — who appears to be a bodyguard — attempts to hold Solange back, but she manages to connect at least 3 times. At one point Solange throws a kick and Jay grabs her foot, but never attempts to strike her. Beyonce stands by without getting physically involved.

Unsurprisingly, speculation about what triggered the fight is beyond rampant. Is Solange attacking Jay on Bey’s behalf, maybe because Jay stepped out? Is Solange on drugs? Is Solange off some drugs that generally make her not all rap god-attacky? Why does Bey stand and do nothing? Is Bey on Team Jay or Team Sis. SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Buzzfeed points that this whole thing has pretty much broken the internet at the moment, particularly because there are about one million photoshops that can be whipped up over the fact that Jay got kicked by a lady. Our personal favorite:

The_Solange_Knowles_Jay_Z_Elevator_Fight_Video_Just_Broke_Twitter

Also, too, one million “99 Problems (But A Bitch Ain’t One)” jokes have already appeared, so you can skip those in the comments.

Ever one to stoke the gossip flames, TMZ has ANOTHER video which shows that post ElevatorGate, Solange and Bey get in one car, while Jay is directed to another.

We don’t want to live in a world where the Knowles family is not in perfect harmony, literally and figuratively, now and forever, so please let this be footage for a new Beyonce video or something.

Will we ever know? Probably not, because remember that Bey recorded an entire album with one jillion videos to accompany it and no one from either hers or Jay’s camp leaked it, so if someone tries to talk about it, Bey will just have them murdered, Illuminati-style.

[TMZ/Buzzfeed]

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  • Hammiepants

    I wish I could care more about this. I do want the Nets to beat the Heat, so I guess I’m Team Jay-Z? IDK…

  • elpinche

    Sorry Jay Z , but I have to call it.

  • gurukalehuru

    Actually, she kicked the bodyguard’s ass.

  • peteywheats

    99 problems, and my biggest hit song being an Ice-T rip-off, and the rest of my crap being boring, corporate, bling-rap is all of them. Team Solange.

  • lala

    the last paragraph of this article: GOLD.

  • gallbladder

    Seriously, who gives a shit?

  • Froggage

    Had no idea I was supposed to be devastated by a Knowles-Carter family argument. I have been laboring under the impression that they are human, and it’s been my experience that humans don’t always agree on everything and sometimes even get upset about things. But I’ll get right on that so I can fit in on the Internet.

  • Police Porter

    The girl gave him a whopping! But, his behavior was that of gentleman, I applaud Jay Z for being cool, well tempered and calm. She’s showing her true self of being an angry black woman. To her man, I would reconsider what do I do from now on.

  • Elijah Al Wilson

    The writer of this seems to be annoyed that Jay-Z get his ass whipped good by a woman.