Sign Up Now To Learn How To Be A Better Homemaker For Jesus

Then Jesus says you add two eggs, lightly beaten like a bad wife

Hey, ladies, have you been wondering how you can be better at vacuuming for Jesus and popping out a quiverfull of babies like Reality TV star Michelle Duggar? Then you will NOT want to miss this exciting opportunity to attend The Art of Homemaking Conference — stop laughing, we’re serious, this is a real thing! — brought to you by the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. If you’re a student there, you can even get course credit in — seriously, we are NOT making this up — Women’s Studies!

Just what kinds of handy housewifin’ tips will you learn from this conference, which will focus on “God’s paradigm for the homemaker, the impact of feminism on the home, spiritual formation through family worship and more”? Let’s hold our noses, get on our knees, and take a look.

Laura Leathers, who is like a crazy cat lady but for teacups, will lead this breakout session:

Enjoy a cream tea while collecting ideas for how to use your tea cups to minister to others. A variety of tea themes supplemented by practical preparation hints and infused with scripture will stimulate you to leave this seminar excited about practicing biblical hospitality.

And if you want to get your Biblical home decor on, you will definitely want to hit this:

This interactive seminar will discuss current decorating trends and ways to create tablescapes for the holiday or year round use. If you have a difficult room in your home, you can get your questions answered and tips for decorating your home in a way that reflects your life.

And for those of you interested in learning how to give your husband a holy happy:

Using the acrostic of STRENGTH we will outline the keys to a successful marriage. We will begin with our relationship to God and discover His design and purpose in creating us for our husbands. Upon that foundation, we will then get practical and discover what we must “put on” every day in order to bring laughter, joy, peace, and love to a relationship and home that is continually marred by sin.

You can also get your praying on with the Duggar family, all eleventeen trillion of them, while they take a break from campaigning for wingnut Republicans and comparing Obama’s America to Nazi Germany because abortion is a “baby holocaust.” You can even attend a special session with the missus, who will explain how birth control is eeeeeeevil and doesn’t work anyway, and that’s why she and her husband “decided to leave family planning to the Lord.” Which seems to have worked really well for them and their 20-and-counting children.

[Concerned Women for America]

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