Oct 2, 2020
Shut Up, Selfies Are Awesome
I take a lot of selfies. You know why? Because I’m fucking adorable. If it bothers you, maybe you should’ve been around in middle school to tell me I was pretty. But you weren’t, and I felt gross, but now I feel hot, so boom! You get a whole lotta selfies.
Look, I could go into detail about how the selfie is an extension of the basic human need to be seen, to be known, and perhaps even to be loved. I could talk about Narcissus, and about the moment when babies perceive that their mirror image is at once them and yet not them. I could go on about self-portraits, and Great Selfies in Art History, and so on and so forth. I could pseudo-intellectualize this bitch for you, but instead I am simply telling you to shut up, because selfies are awesome.
Sometimes I look so fucking cute that I need to share it with the world. Do you know the pain of being the only person to experience how damn good your eyeliner looks? It is a tragic pain, a deep one, and the weight of carrying it can lead to a terrible case of the gout, probably.
It is fashionable in some circles to talk about how much one hates oneself — to constantly obsess over the numbers (weight, clothing size, daily workout statistics). There are people who despise themselves so much that they join online thinspiration groups and talk endlessly of thigh gaps and protruding ribs, like starvation by choice is some kind of badge of honor. That is sad.
Selfies are not sad.
Selfies are a celebration.
Selfies are awesome.
I spent a lot of time feeling ugly and undesirable. I wasted a lot of good years feeling shitty instead of having fun with my appearance and with, you know, life in general. So now that I’ve worked hard to feel pretty damn good about myself, you better fucking believe I’m going to celebrate that by documenting the various nuances of my all-encompassing cuteness. And I’m not alone.
There are many of us, the People of the Selfie. We are legion. We will make a duck face. We will take a booty shot in the mirror. We will make a funny face even when we know we are so beautiful, simply because it pleases us to do so. And we do not care if you do not like it. Your disdain just spurs us on to greater feats of selfie-dom. One day we will take selfies on the Moon, just because we can! And if we love you, we will make you take a double selfie with us, which technically isn’t even a selfie, but whatever. You cannot hope to escape us, so you may as well join us.