May 15, 2019
Sean Hannity Does Not Care For Jon Stewart’s Unseemly Criticism Of Sean Hannity
Professional Conservative Victim Sean Hannity shared his tears with the nation Tuesday night, carefully debunking Jon Stewart’s satirical commentary on Hannity’s coverage of the Great Cow Freedom Movement. You see, Jon Stewart is a “hack comedian” who is among the “chief apologists for the Obama administration.” In a prolonged rant and panel discussion that lasts a couple minutes longer than Stewart’s full segment on Bundy (of which four minutes were about Hannity), the Fox News host gets super-even with Stewart, conveniently editing out Stewart’s main point, which is that Cow Hero Cliven Bundy is exactly the kind of moocher who wants something for free, and who wants to pick and choose what laws to obey, that Sean Hannity usually likes to mock. The true takeaway, of course, says Hannity, is that John Stewart is “kind of obsessed” with Sean Hannity. Oh, Sean, we don’t know how to break it to you, but honey, Jon Stewart is obsessed with idiots in the media, and you are just one of many, dear.
Ah, but you see, what Stewart left out is even more telling — this is all about proportionality, says Hannity, showing us multiple clips of Sean Hannity saying the word “proportionality” to prove that he really means it. You don’t send in 200 armed agents just because some guy let his cows eat a little government-owned grass! (For Twenty Years. In an endangered species habitat. After a 1998 federal court injunction telling him to stop. And after he warned that he and his family were armed, and would “do whatever’s necessary” to keep the cattle from being seized.) It’s only some “cows eating free government grass.” You know, like illegal immigrants are only guilty of civil immigration-law violations, not felonies.
Also, Sean Hannity is very unhappy that Stewart and the Daily Show writers “want to joke, they want to laugh any way they can” instead of presenting a straight, unbiased news program like Sean Hannity does. The nerve of those Comedy Central people, insisting on the centrality of comedy.
Also also, Jon Stewart is a hypocrite because he says Bundy should be prosecuted for breaking the law, but he’s perfectly OK with Barack Obama palling around with domestic terrorist Bill Ayers. And for having Cat Stevens perform at the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear in 2010 — hey, did you know that Cat Stevens really calls himself Yusuf Islam (and has done so since 1978, not just since that rally, as Hannity states) and has never apologized for endorsing Ayatollah Khomeini’s fatwa calling for the death of Salman Rushdie? Therefore Cliven Bundy is an OK fellow because all his cows did was eat some grass.
We’ll be sure to keep you updated, since you can bet Stewart and the Daily Show staff are already putting together a fresh Hannity montage. Roll 212!