VIDEO: The Scorpion King (2002)

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What has: swords, sorcery, and a female lead who wears nothing but sequins and chiffon? The Mummy prequel The Scorpion King, starring Dwayne Johnson (back when he was still The Rock), Michael Clarke Duncan and Kelly Hu, which also handily features Actual Funny™ and lots and lots of half-naked men. She may not love it, but Ursa’s probably not going to be too disappointed in this one.

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  • Muthsarah

    That’s a catapult, not a trebuchet or a ballista.  Catapults hurl stones with a giant spoon, trebuchets use a stick with a sling at the end of it, and a ballista is a giant crossbow.

    This explanation is every bit as pointless as the movie, I know, but there’s really nothing else that can be said about the movie.  It’s nothing but violence and good-looking people of the Boris Vallejo variety.  I did like it better than The Mummy Returns, however, which lies in the unhappy medium between shallow but cinematic cheesecake (Scorpion King) and genuinely fun adventure epic (The Mummy), and ends up being neither.

    • Jill Bearup

      But hey, now I know more about ancient siege weaponry, so I count this as a win! Glad you enjoyed the review! :)

      • Russell Brin (Facebook sux)

        Will you be watching Skyfall, the new Bond movie?  And after the Mummy series (excellent reviews by the way) I’d love to see a review of Daniel Craig, as he’s pretty damn good as an actor and an action star, or do a comparative analysis of Daniel Craig vs Jason Statham for top British action hero actor.  Cameos by Sofie and Liam would add to the greatness of comparing the two lads against each other with their legacies.

  • Thomas Stockel

    I liked the movie for what it was, which was stupid fun.  I’m just glad I did not spend any money on it, otherwise I think I would have felt robbed.  Anyway, another good review. :)

  • Monterey Jack

    Mmmmmm, Kelly Hu…

  • edharris1178

    I enjoyed this as well.  It worked as a nice, dumb movie along the lines of Kull the Conqueror.  Beats the hell out of that lousy Conan reboot from last summer.