I Saw Miley Cyrus Saturday Night With the Composer I Wrote an Operetta With and It Was Kind of Amazing.
As soon as we started walking up to Barclays Center, J was like “I’m terrified. You caught me at the right moment I had just watched 5 episodes of Game of Thrones and needed to leave the house but as soon as I said I would come I was sorry.” I said. “It will be ok.”
We went thru security and I promptly started looking for how to get to our terrible seats. This led to J talking about various ways he had sneaked into various shows including using $100 and a fake ticket to get into some Phish show at Madison Square Garden that people were selling their souls for. (Yes Phish. We are too old to be at Miley Cyrus. Did I mention this yet?) We agreed that we had no desire to try to get down to the floor for Miley. Also Security at Barclays is intense.
We made it to our (super super terrible) seats in time for the second half of Sky Ferreira’s Set. She was wearing her Sunglasses at night and Glitter Eye Shadow. The first song we heard I thought the lyrics were Heavy Metal Prom Queen which seemed appropriate (these are not what they are.)
J’s analysis of Sky and her band: “They are probably a pretty good band. She is tired and can’t do her songs. Also one of the speakers was blown. If we saw her somewhere small it would probably be pretty sweet.”
She finished her set and managed to mumble thank you before running away.
During the break we wandered around the stadium so I could buy a Diet Coke and we could check out the fashion. We weren’t the oldest people there but we were for sure in the minority (early 30s). About halfway thru our circuit J was like “There are so many different kinds of teen girls I would be terrified to be the father of.” And it’s true. There are SO MANY WAYS to be a teen girl now.
I got my six dollar Diet Coke and we found a curtained-off area with a killer view of the stage and a couple tables. We loitered there for a bit and didn’t get kicked out so we decided to come back once there were more people.
We went back to our seats.
AND THEN IT WAS TIME FOR MILEY.
You’ve probably heard about it and it is ALL OF THOSE THINGS!
There’s a tongue slide! and a Gingham Horse! And A Lot of Ass Slapping of her African American Dancers and a Lot of Vagina Slapping of Herself. And so many costumes and Puppets! And Hoe Downs And Hip Hop! And Lesbian Innuendo! And A lot of images that are pretty problematic.
After a few numbers we went backed to the curtained off area. It was still pretty empty. We sort of nonchalantly walked in. And after a minute the security guard came up to ask if we had tickets. We were like yeah sure. And she was like No For This Area. They only sell 15 tickets. And we returned to our terrible seats. NO WONDER it was empty. Those 15 people did not look like they were having much fun either.
At one point J asked if Miley was cool. And I didn’t know how to answer that. I said, “She’s 21.”
I asked him if she was really singing. He said “Definitely.”
And she really can sing and dance and like PERFORM. She was made to do this. In a way that Sky Ferreira just wasn’t.
She talked about how this was the first time she wasn’t sad about her puppy dying. She was charming and sweet. And then she spit water all over the front row.
“You’re all young and pretty you don’t need make-up”
I’m into that idea but the context is weird.
She did a cover of Jolene and yelled “Fuck you you fucking slut” and in the middle of this showcase of sexuality and sex positivity the slut shaming seemed a bit out of place. But She Can REALLY Sing Jolene.
At the end our verdict:
J: I would totally see her again on her next tour.
Me: I would even pay for better tickets.