Santa with Muscles (1996) (part 4 of 11)

Well, it’s back to that old lady from the Childrens [Sic] Mission sleeping by her globe of cash. The two hoodlums are still just standing there, so apparently it’s taken the last ten minutes for them to work up the nerve to do the idiotic thing they do next.

Anarchy Guy comes up and puts the Globe-O-Cash under his shirt for another supposedly amusing image. See, he looks like he’s pregnant. And men can’t be pregnant! Isn’t that hilarious?

He asks D.A.R.E. Guy to help him out, because “this thing’s heavy!” Even though, really, it’s just a cheap plastic bowl with maybe 20 one-dollar bills inside. Either way, D.A.R.E. Guy puts his hand on Anarchy Guy’s “belly” as they continue to walk along. Wacky!

Santa with Muscles (1996) (part 4 of 11)

“You dumbass! Who told you to steal that apostrophe?”

Unfortunately, Anarchy drops the globe, spilling money everywhere. The two guys crouch down and start shoving cash in their pockets while still on the floor of the mall in plain view. You’d think this would gain the interest of mall security, but remarkably, no one shows up. I guess the Lakeview Mall hired the same crack outfit from the casino in 3000 Miles to Graceland.

As it turns out, the little girl who was asking Hulk for a hundred different things is the only one to come over and investigate. The crooks tell her they’re “Santa’s little helpers” but the girl doesn’t buy it. She takes a deep breath and screeches, “SAAAANTAAA!” Hulk takes a kid off his lap and hands him off to Lenny so he can go and answer the call.

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Multi-Part Article: Santa with Muscles (1996)

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