Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972) (part 5 of 11)

The Drive Thru Speaker continues narrating as we watch the Aging Spinster put a kettle on the stove. It turns out the Aging Spinster was sick of not having kids, and wanted to do something about it. “Day after day,” she says to herself, “I put the kettle on! And no one comes to call!” Well, maybe if you didn’t talk to yourself, people would be a little less leery of spending time with you.

She says, “I’m getting so tired of being lonesome!” Then she gets an idea. “This afternoon I’ll go see the witch! And maybe she will bring me a little girl!” Unless this witch happens to run a sperm bank, I’d say the odds are pretty slim.

The Drive Thru Speaker then lets us know that Thumbelina came from a “magic spell cast by a good witch!” This is accompanied by another shot of Stoned Butterface staring blankly at a diorama of a witch’s cave.

We cut to that cave, and find a standard witch in a black cape and pointy hat as she stirs a cauldron. The witch, who looks a lot like Janine Turner, sticks something that looks like a chicken foot under the Aging Spinster’s nose before moseying on over and dumping it in the cauldron. Janine Turner Witch tosses in some more stuff, stirs the cauldron, and then in her most terrifying act of all, she starts singing. She warbles, “Last year I turned, an ugly toad, into a prince real quick! And now for you, I’m gonna do, an even better trick!”

“Sow a little seed, grow a little princess,” she sings, tossing random stuff into the pot. In case we don’t understand what’s happening here, the song lets us know that this is “how magic works!” The witch then sings to the Spinster that “twelve new pennies make your wish come true!” as her reed-thin voice hits notes well beyond the range of human hearing.

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Multi-Part Article: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)

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