Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972) (part 4 of 11)

We then abruptly cut to all the “Kids” smiling, and Santa beckons them to come closer. He says he has a story to tell them, which will supposedly teach them that if “you have faith, all your dreams will come true!” Sorry, but the six year olds in the audience are way, way too cynical for this lesson.

He says that “Once upon a time” there was a girl named Thumbelina, who “escaped from her kidnappers and endured all kinds of hardships, until one day she met her Prince Charming!” Yes, that’s right, it’s the Patty Hearst story! Santa lays out the moral of the story ahead of time, and it’s something along the lines of never giving up on hope, not doing drugs, staying in school, drinking all their milk, blah blah blah, whatever.

As he talks, we get an abrupt zoom-in on Scotty, and we find that in true Dogtown and Z-Boys fashion, he’s wearing a beaded necklace and a t-shirt that says “Keep on Truckin”. Yeah, dude! Then we pan across the faces of all the “Kids” and find that the camera is really, really too tight on them. Santa once again insists that if they have “faith” then “all your dreams will come true!” Yeah, we heard you the first time, Santa.

Caption contributed by Albert

Skateboarding is not a crime!

Then we abruptly cut to a really pathetic amusement park. Okay, bear with me here, because this isn’t the story that Santa is telling the “Kids”. Rather, this a framing story around the story Santa is telling the “Kids”. Yeah, you’re telling me. I mean, just try and wrap your head around that when you’re eight years old.

We see a girl with long brown hair walk into the park. She has on a red miniskirt and it’s pretty obvious that she’s not wearing a bra. And at the risk of sounding even more sexist, I do have to point out that she’s a total Butterface. If you’re unfamiliar with this term, let me put it this way: Her body is pretty good—but her face!

A penetratingly shrill voice suddenly begins singing a song entitled “If I Were Thumbelina”. According to the lyrics, if the singer were Thumbelina, “This world would be so different! And I wouldn’t mind at all!”

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Multi-Part Article: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)

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