Dec 14, 2020
Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972) (part 10 of 11)
Then, it’s back to panning across the Pirates World “amusement” park again, and the earsplitting “If I Were Thumbelina” tune starts again. There’s another shot of the Death Trap Slice Your Head Off Steeplechase Ride before we cut back to the Can’t Afford the Water For This Water Ride. This time, the cameraman himself is sliding down the ride, and just in front of him is Butterface on her cardboard Rice Krispies box top.
Then we pan up to see a really rickety gondola ride that obviously hasn’t been inspected recently. The funny thing is, a little research on Pirates World shows that it actually was shut down by authorities. Nope, it wasn’t for safety violations. As it turns out, during the early 70’s they started to hold rock concerts here, which started to attract too much of a bad element. Seriously! David Bowie even played here! How bizarre is that?
We cut to a roller coaster that looks like it’s made out of several sticks of balsa wood, while we continue to find out how the singer wouldn’t mind a hypothetical world where she were Pauli Girl. I mean, once you get over being kidnapped by a frog and having to screw a mole, it’s really not too bad of a place, right?
We cut to a fountain, and Butterface strolls past, still not wearing a bra. She walks through some flowers to meet up with a boy who—surprise!—is being played by the same kid who was Doped-Up Beatle Bee Gee in the story. So, this means that Butterface was fantasizing that her and her boyfriend were two inches tall, married, and living in a flower. There’s something vaguely Freudian there, but my head is hurting way too much to figure it out.
The two wander out of frame to go engage in some premarital foreplay behind the Tilt-A-Whirl. Then we get a nice long pan back across the fountain, and the words “The End” appear on screen. Then we see a drawing of a pirate holding a globe, and underneath it is the caption, “Another Fine Picture From PIRATES WORLD. Come Visit Us In Dania, Florida.” Ah, great, as if things didn’t suck enough, they threw in a shameless plug for their dumpy theme park.
The music hits a crescendo, and we fade out. So what’s the lesson here, kiddies? That’s right! You, too, can have a happy life even if you are a goddamn freak. And somewhere out in the world is a whole colony of goddamn freaks that will finally accept you for who you are. Well, that’s what I got out of it, anyway.
Well, anyway, this movie was pretty painful but… What the hell? There’s more? It’s not over?!?
To my complete and utter despair, I find myself looking once again at the alcoholic visage of Santa Claus. Apparently, when it said “The End” just now, it wasn’t really the end of the movie, but rather the end of the story Santa was telling the “Kids”. That’s right, he’s still there, with his sleigh stuck in the sand. I know, I know. Like me, you probably had yourself convinced that part was just a bad dream.