Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972) (part 1 of 11)
Well, it’s been several months since I started running this site, and with the holidays fast approaching, I got to thinking that it’s high time I wrote a recap for all our younger readers out there. So here we have it, the Agony Booth’s first children’s film!
Unfortunately, kids, the charter of this website requires that this be a terrible children’s film. If you come across this movie at your local video store, you can rest assured that its only purpose in being there is to prop up the rest of the videos on the shelf. If you pick it up, don’t be surprised if the rest of the row suddenly comes crashing down on your head.
At the store where I found my copy, it was past the beaded curtains and the swinging saloon doors, in that same tiny, red-walled room where they keep all the porn. That should give you a indication of how embarrassing it is to be seen renting this movie.
Like most other terrible children’s films, the filmmakers seem to think that simply because the movie is for kids, they have to pretend like they’re making it for retards. Every actor speaks as slowly as possible, enunciating every word as if they’re talking to people who don’t speak English. All the characters take longer than George W. Bush to string a sentence together, and deliver the most obvious emoting you’ll see outside of a Sally Struthers infomercial.
Posters for this movie reveal that is was meant specifically to be a Saturday and Sunday afternoon matinee only. That should make its reason for existence clear. Most likely, it only played at shopping mall cinemas, and was meant to give parents somewhere to drop off the kids for an hour or two while shopping for their Christmas presents. Of course, after seeing this movie, all those kids ended up wanting for Christmas was some serious psychotherapy. Perhaps the only positive thing that can be said about Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny is that its target audience is much too young to remember it once it’s over.