Recipe Ideas For That Page Six Lady Whose Boyfriend Will Marry Her If She Will Shut Up And Make Him A Sandwich Already

Recipe Ideas For That Page Six Lady Whose Boyfriend Will Marry Her If She Will Shut Up And Make Him A Sandwich Already

What’s that, New York Post? You have something you want to tell us?

Eric devoured the sandwich as if it were a five-star meal, diving in with large, eager bites. “Babes, this is delicious!” he exclaimed.

As he finished that last bite, he made an unexpected declaration of how much he loved me and that sandwich: “Honey, you’re 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring!”

I paused.

Was our happily ever after as simple as making him a few sandwiches?

WAS IT, Stephanie Smith? WAS IT????

Here are some ideas for sandwiches Stephanie Smith should make her idiot boyfriend, so he will Put A Ring On It and she can stop being such a stupid, single whore:

  • A knuckle sandwich.
  • A sandwich of poo.
  • A Stephanie Smith Sandwich where she fucks two of his friends.

[NYPost / 300Sandwiches]

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  • HRD
  • $73376667

    Ah, but which is worse: dating a guy who would actually say that, or dating a girl who would actually try it?Maybe being single ain’t so bad after all…

  • I must be a bad feminist, because I don’t get the uproar. Nobody would care if it were cookies, or crumpets. But because of the whole awful “Shaddup and make me a sammich” meme, this is sexist?About as sexist as asking a man to take out the trash.And yes, I am being open to having my mind changed on this. I just don’t understand.

    • gullywompr

      No, you really don’t.

    • beautifulmutant

      I think it would be a sweet gesture on her part if it weren’t for the “meet my qualifications and then, you lucky lady, I’ll marry you” thing. That just feels gross and own-y and douchey. PROVE YOUR LOVE!

    • $73376667

      Because offering to marry a woman exclusively for her ability to prepare a meal is kinda Bronze Age. And tying it to a sandwich dowry doesn’t help much.

      • Buddha Stalin

        “Sandwich Dowry” LOL

    • calliecallie

      Would it make more sense to you if he told her she was about 300 loads of his laundry away from a ring? Or 300 blowjobs away from a ring? It was just a dumb thing to say, and her reaction to it was dumb also, too.But the sandwich looks really good.

      • $73376667

        Or 300 blowjobs away from a ring?

        Hey, let’s not be too hasty here! I can see the potential of a photoblog on this subject!

    • RachelK

      No, I’m with you. It’s not a huge deal in context. It’s just that you know by next year there’s going to be a sitcom called “300 Sandwiches” starring Ashton Kutcher or something, and it will be hugely problematic.

  • Buddha Stalin

    If I may put on my therapist nylons for a moment, methinks the guy revealed that he is not eager to get hitched, else why “300” and not “3”?

    • emberglance

      Is he perhaps unknowingly signalling his subconscious predilection for well-oiled spartans in loincloths?

      • Buddha Stalin

        Can’t say as I blame him for that ;-)

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  • Nixon, etc.

    I recommend Satan’s Pilgrims; Satan’s Pilgrims recommend this:

  • Mojopo

    Take two pieces of bread and shove it up his ass! Like so…

    • Vecchiojohn

      God that’s funny. But then as Tony Soprano once said, what I think is funny is what a ten year old boy thinks is funny.

  • Vecchiojohn

    A shit sandwich for a giant douche, perhaps?