What Is The GOP Mad At Now? If You Had ‘Richard Simmons’s Homoerotic Twerking,’ Come Get Your Prize

What Is The GOP Mad At Now? If You Had 'Richard Simmons's Homoerotic Twerking,' Come Get Your Prize

Jesus, but conservatives have a hard-on of hate for Obamacare commercials. Remember how they felt about pajama boy? Now they’ve found a new thing to twist their underwear over, which is that Richard Simmons was part of a California online telethon urging people to sign up for coverage. Rich Lowry, for one, is Appalled! And it is because nancyboy Richard Simmons is running around being all nancy, and Rich Lowry simply does not care for that! (Also, socialism or something, we guess.)


Since Covered California has $80 million to spend to get Millennials to sign up for Obamacare, every other commercial on TV and radio now is for Covered California. It’s embarrassing. All of the Millennials I know are outraged that they are presumed to be idiots who will fall for anything.

We thought Obamacare had stooped as low as it could go, spending half-a-billion dollars of taxpayer money on one big failed website, but no! They have hit an all-time low! Homo-erotic twerking – this makes Miley Cyrus look like Mary Poppins!

They take the immediate gratification era, in which people love to eat chips while playing video games, then drink Red Bull to get through the night, and give them a six-hour infomercial led by a questionably stable Baby Boomer with a fro in red tights?

Goddamn right the Greatest Generation never ate fried foodstuffs while doing something else, and they never ever drank caffeine to stay awake all night, so they would have never stood for Richard Simmons acting the fool on their teevee.

Best part of that link and video? It’s an article by Gina Loudon in which she embeds a video of Gina Loudon appearing on Fox, where the only thing they can think to say when introducing Gina Loudon is that she is a Tea Party member. Low bar to get on Greta Van Susteren’s show these days.

Back to our poutrage. Six hours of Richard Simmons twerking! Why, that’s the downfall of America right there, people.

Turns out, of course, that implying that California spent millions for a six-hour Richard Simmons twerkathon that invaded your television, 1984-style, is a wee bit of an overstatement. The telethon appeared on YouTube (tube-a-thon?) and Simmons was around for about 20 minutes of the thing and the twerking is actually a ridiculous dance-off between Simmons and YouTube-famous Nathan Barnatt. The rest of the six hours was otherwise filled with a parade of YouTube personalities.

Yes indeedy that is a link to the full six hours. While we don’t think we could actually get through it, we are not aflame with righteous anger that taxpayer money went to something that might possibly make young people sign up for Obamacare by airing funny things that they might like. We’ll probably just watch Richard Simmons twerk on repeat for several days and intersperse it with this Obamacare Snoop Dogg parody that is also sure to make conservatives freak.

Look, we realize that conservatives have only just discovered that spending money to promote government initiatives is a thing (coughChrisChristieHurricaneSandycough) but just settle the hell down already.


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