The Reverend Paul Crouch Riding That $49 Million Jetplane Straight To The Kingdom Of Heaven

The Reverend Paul Crouch has died. He was 79. He leaves his beloved wife, Jan, his beloved jet, his beloved pair of mansions in Newport Beach, California, and his beloved Trinity Broadcast Network, where the Reverend and the missus explained to their adoring audience the everlasting life that would be theirs if they just sent their pension checks to Jesus, c/o TBN.

The last we heard from the good reverend, he had hosted a fraudy lady who went on TBN to sell a “cancer” “cure” of beef tallow and suntan lotion. That lady went to so much jail! But should she have, really, when Prosperity Jesus teaches us that wealth shows we are blessed by Him? And if anyone was blessed by Jesus, it was Paul Crouch.

In 2010, donations to TBN totaled $93 million. The Crouches had multiple homes, including his-and-hers mansions in Newport Beach, Calif., and used corporate jets valued at $8 million and $49 million each. In 2010, Mr. Crouch’s salary as president of Trinity Broadcasting was $400,000; Mrs. Crouch’s as first vice president was $365,000.

In 2012, Mr. Crouch’s granddaughter Brittany Koper went public with the accusations of financial improprieties. Ms. Koper told The New York Times that her job had been to label extravagant personal spending as ministry expenses. But a lawyer for the network said Ms. Koper and her husband had been fired by TBN and accused them of stealing $1.3 million.

The Reverend also paid $425,000 to a guy to prove he had never had sex on him, and had a $100,000 motorhome for his dogs, because that is what Jesus would have wanted.


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  • Farb

    Hey, this is the American Way! Get some simple minded idjits to send you dough claiming Awmighty Gawd wants ’em to, and then spend it like drunken sailors. Also, don’t have homosex. Also, apparently, don’t hire relatives, especially ones with either a chip on their shoulder or some serious attitude. Last, but not least, string bean casserole to the family afterward. (There’s some sinning in yer heart shit in there too, but that’s all way too subtle for us workaday folk.)

  • Farb

    Crouch, riding the greenback to Glory!

  • I am totally up for making a trip to Newport Beach, to throw rocks at the Crouch Mansion.

    • rebecca

      I don’t know where it is. But the gift shop at the TBN studio off the 405 is a VERY fun place

  • Mark Lysle

    Heaven, my wild Irish arse. The man just joined Falwell and D. James Kennedy in the Hitler wing of Hades. Moneychangers in the Temple, all of them.

  • Rick Gardner

    he was a highly skilled shit stain , r.i.p.

  • Thomas McCabe

    Rev Crouch is unable to enter Heaven at this time. He is waiting for the camel in front to squeeze through the eye of a needle. Might be waiting a while.

  • x111e7thst

    the good lord took him home because his sheeple did not send enough donations. see what you did sheeple?

    • DrShitferbrains

      Fucking sheeple.

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    • el_donaldo

      A number of years ago I was attending an academic seminar in religious/secular studies at UC Irvine, and they let a group of us tour the Trinity Broadcasting studios – which is what you see in their shows. And I don’t think it was just paint. Every surface – every surface which weren’t marble and crystal which were everywhere too – was covered in gold leaf or gilt in some fashion. It went beyond ostentation to the point of seeming obsession. It was the most impressive thing about the tour, and I have no idea what was going on with that. Except that it represented a lot of checks from a lot of folks’ grandmas.

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  • docterry6973

    The grifters shall always be with us.

  • Buddha Stalin

    How do you like your Heaven now, Crouch? (“OW THERE’S A PITCHFORK STUCK IN MY BUTT FOR ALL ETERNITY”)