Revenge of the Ninja (1983) (part 2 of 3)

27. Cut to a park, where one of Caifano’s thugs (the guy who was massaging him, in fact) is having a picnic with his family, as only a mob guy can. He bitches, swears, and finally heads off to the men’s room. While he drains the lizard, Braden comes up behind him, taps him on the shoulder, and beats him up a bit before breaking his neck.

Caption contributed by Ed

I think someone needs to brush up on their chiropractic technique.

28. Later, Caifano gets out of a limo, and speaks with a homeless guy with an eye patch, who must be an informant. Caifano has the guy paid off, and they’re heading back to the limo, when Ol’ One Eye is struck in the face with a ninja star. He falls in slow motion into a fountain, and blood pours into the water. Needless to say, this shocks our villains.

29. Next, we get a Halloween-esque POV shot in a motel room, where Gino is making out with a naked girl in a hot tub. As they make out, a blow dart hits Gino, killing him dead. Well, can’t say we’re wanting for boobs and blood so far in this film. A third of the way in, and already this is the best film of 1983, as far as I’m concerned.

30. Braden kills the girl, and then we cut to the aftermath, with Caifano talking to the officers at the scene. Evidently, the first guy killed was his brother, which makes the whole massage thing just a little creepy.

31. One of the officers makes a remark about Gino and his girl needing to be pried apart with a jackhammer, and may I just say this might be the sleaziest thing I’ve seen in a while? The lead detective demands Caifano help him out by telling him who’s behind the killings. So… in the Los Angeles of this movie, the cops are so inept they need mobsters to help them get leads? Actually, there are certain circumstances where I could buy that, to be honest.

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Ed Harris

A fan of less than great cinema since childhood, Ed divides his time between writing scripts, working an actual paying job and subjecting himself willingly to some of the worst films society has produced.

Multi-Part Article: Revenge of the Ninja (1983)

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