Racist Dirtbag Donald Sterling Now $2.5 Billion Richer

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy

Donald Sterling is best known for being ten pounds of racist neckflap in a five-pound housing discrimination bag. After his lawyers claimed he’d received offers to buy the Los Angeles Clippers for $2.5 billion, Deadspin pointed out this would make Lob City the most valuable sports franchise on the planet. Yes, those Los Angeles Clippers.

Needless to say, our gobs are thoroughly smacked this morning by the story broken by the Los Angeles Times.

Former Microsoft chief executive Steve Ballmer has won a frenetic bidding war for ownership of the Los Angeles Clippers, with a $2-billion offer that would set a record price for an NBA team.[…]The sale price would be almost four times the previous NBA franchise high: the $550 million paid earlier this month for the Milwaukee Bucks.

$2.5 billion for a team with $128 million in annual revenues! How in the world did a savvy businessman like Steve Ballmer decide to plunk down 2.5 billion actual American dollars for this team of bouncy-hoops men? Forbes has a pretty good ‘splainer, but this part was our favorite.

The value of all businesses have increased and companies and people are flush with cash. Facebook just paid $19 billion for messaging company WhatsApp, which generated $20 million in revenue last year. The S&P 500 is up 282% since the stock market lows of March 2009. Stocks are currently trading at 15 times forward earnings compared to roughly 10 times in 2011, according to Thomson Reuters I/B/E/S.

Way to buy at the height of the bubble, Steve! A++ businessing, would business with Steve Ballmer again!

To be sure, the Clippers play an entertaining brand of basketball, with Point God Chris Paul just tossing up alley-oops to a team full of guys who can jump out of the gym, and there’s nothing we bouncy-hoops fans like more than the kinds of dunks that bring the crowd onto the court during AND1 games. If and when Hot Sauce (Hot Sizzle!) gets signed to a D-League contract, or The Professor is brought in as a player-coach, we will not disapprove! Here is a video of The Professor for all you jerks who don’t pay attention to bouncy-hoops.

Ohhhhhhhh shit, the bouncy-hoops man thought the other bouncy-hoops man was going to do a different thing than he actually did, shit son, shiiiiiiit!

There’s another late-breaking wrinkle here, too: Donald Sterling has apparently been deemed mentally “incapacitated” by unnamed experts, according to sportsball reporter Ramona Shelburne. More late-breaking news as it develops, unless we are day-drunk, which we totally will be.

The real takeaway here is that if you have $2.5 billion in cash money, you can buy yourself just about anything. But really, we didn’t need sweat-soaked anger box Steve Ballmer need to remind us of that.

[LA Times]

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